Let's be honest, the only way to watch Keith Olbermann is drunk--blind drunk. That would explain his anemic ratings and his small but loyal following. Real drunks always frequent the same bars.
Since Olbermann is dedicating his show tonight
to White House talking points on health care, I figured I might as well make it interesting by creating a drinking game for it.
Note: I don't recommend watching Countdown, there is always something more entertaining and informative on the Watching Paint Dry network, but if your morbid curiosity gets the better of you make sure you have booze handy.
Take a drink every time Keith does one of the following:
- Says "sir" in anger. (Three if it's a "How dare you, sir!)
- Mentions Sarah Palin (Two if he throws in a pejorative like "failed" or "quitter" first, three if he talks about Trig and the health care he got.)
- Each time he mentions the bogus 44,000 people who die each year for lack of health insurance number.
- Each time he mentions 46, 47 or 50 million uninsured. (Do a shot if he uses the new 30 million number.)
- Praises Canada, France or the UK. (Second sip when he says long lines are a lie.)
- Each time he says "death panel" and Palin.
- Each time he claims Republicans have no plan or solutions. Do a shot when he says Republicans want people to die.
- With every mention of Rush, Hannity, Beck or Levin (aka people with an audience).
- Finish your drink each time he exploits someone's personal health care horror story and presents it as the norm.
- Chug from the bottle if he mentions the fact that Medicare rejects more claims than any other insurance plan in the country.
- Finish the bottle if he tells the truth about anything, accidentally or on purpose. (I was going to say that you take a drink each time he lies but I don't want to cause a nationwide wave of alcohol poisoning.)
Feel free to add your own rules in the comments.
Follow these guidelines and you'll be more drunk than Teddy Kennedy on, well, an average Tuesday in the 70's. And that might just be enough to tolerate spending an hour watching Keith Olbermann...maybe.