Lonewolf Diaries: Moral Absolutes are for Dumb Conservatives

“Right and Wrong.” It’s a silly dated idea, I know. As a progressive society after all, shouldn’t we be past the antiquated idea of moral absolutes? We’re big thinkers, and a higher-learned people. Let’s leave the obtuse “black and white” mindset to those simplistic conservatives. They’re so silly. Plus, they don’t like having sex.


It seems that over the past several decades, we haven’t been able to avoid having the “moral relativism” mantra pumped into our brains. Sometimes it’s subconscious (being planted in our minds from under-the-radar messages in the talkies of Tinseltown) and sometimes it’s less subtle than Johnny Depp's awful pubic-hair goatee. How does this resonate with the American people, however? Do most of us believe that a majority of the worlds issues are really just shades of grey?

Well, if you look at the movies that have had great success in our country (The Dark Knight, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, etc.) it would appear to be just the opposite. All of these movies have a very clear-cut right and wrong, good and evil. As it would seem, most Americans actually really like to see the good guys… Beat the bad guys! What a nation of simps!

The truth is that evil is a part of human nature. Not only that, but it’s a part that most decent folk like to see conquered as early and often as possible. Sure there are plenty of murky films that blur the lines of right and wrong in a “study of the human condition.” They’re practically released weekly… But they hardly end up being box-office smashes.

Why? The whole moral relativism shtick is tired, old and Americans aren’t buying it anymore. One needs only look to Hollywood’s domestic abuse, divorce, and drug addiction to see that it doesn’t work.

What really chaps my buttocks though, is when a Hollywood high school drop-out tries to paint middle-American conservatives as simple-minded for putting some “cut and dry” issues on the shelf. Listen, Tinseltown, we understand the complexities of life and examine our moral dilemma’s just as as in-depthly as you do. The only difference is that at the end of the day, we have the testicular fortitude to decide where we line up. The only reason one wouldn’t would be due to one of two things:
1.) You lack a fuzzy pair.
2.) You lack the common sense to understand how the real world works.

Take your pick.

Now Hollywood, I know that making a decision using a moral compass and better judgment may feel foreign, perhaps even painful to you, but you may want to give it a shot. At the very least, you’ll be able to produce more financially viable moving pictures that resonate with the American people.

And Sean Penn, if it doesn’t work out, you can always get another divorce.


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