The Pretentious, Hypocritical Demands of Sheryl Crow by Tim Slagle 18 Aug 2010 post a comment Share This: One of the core beliefs this nation was founded on, was equality under the law. The laws that apply to ordinary citizens, also apply to the ruling class; because if the laws are too strict for them, then perhaps they’re too strict for us. That’s why we get really upset when we learn of a politician caught speeding, or cheating on his taxes. Because if the people who write the laws are finding it difficult to cough up the cash, or keep their foot off the accelerator, perhaps taxes are too high, and the speed limit is too low. For many, The Global Warming debate has been a similar exercise in hypocrisy. Al Gore has been a big violator. The man who wants to limit our ability to fly coach, needs a private plane when he travels to Hollywood to pick up a trophy he didn’t even win (and a masseuse he couldn’t seduce). I recently pointed out a similar flaw in the character of Sheryl Crow. While she went around preaching the merits of CFL light bulbs, she prefers the warm glow of incandescents and halogens in her own home. I thought perhaps that Sheryl had grown up a little; the same way a college vegan gets out into the real world, admits that she’s been sneaking meat when nobody was looking, and switches to a less fastidious diet. For Sheryl’s sake I had also hoped that the one square of toilet paper idea really was a joke, that there wasn’t a guilty fixation every time she closed the door to do what people on high fiber vegan diets do more often than the rest of us. Sadly, no. In her recently published contract rider on the Smoking Gun, we learn that Sheryl is still fussy about toilet paper. The rider is loaded with pretentious demands that make brown M&Ms seem reasonable. She isn’t satisfied to just keep her disease to herself; she wants everyone around her to share her pathology, instructing concert promoters how to be green, and recommending brands. Most remarkably she demands that all traditional light bulbs replaced with CFLs, a restriction she doesn’t even place on herself. She also demands that all her snacks be locally grown. Of course this doesn’t pertain to her liquor. While she is perfectly willing to sample local produce on her veggie tray, she insists that her wine comes from Napa Valley (Stags Leap), her tequila comes from Mexico (Patron), and her Vodka comes from the Netherlands (Ketel One). When mommy needs to check out for a few hours, she gets a little picky. Damn the environment, Sheryl has expensive taste! It is doubly ironic, that Crow herself is not local product. Why is it okay to import an entertainer from the other side of the country, when the food she eats must come from the region? It would make more sense to use a locally grown talent. (Or at least require Sheryl to pack her own lunch). The reason, of course is the heart of a free trade economy. North Dakota has lots of oil, but no cheese. Wisconsin has lots of cheese, but no oil. With a little bit of trucking, residents of Wisconsin and North Dakota have both. Likewise Des Moines, Iowa has lots of pork, and New York has Sheryl Crow. Through the magic of free trade, Governor Paterson gets to eat bacon, and the Iowa State Fair gets another exhibit. (August 21). Even Las Vegas gets a Sheryl Crow concert (September 11). Unfortunately, Sheryl is going to have to eat onions. potatoes, and hay while she is there, because there aren’t many other local vegan crops in Nevada. I don’t know how long she can continue to eat local, since she is booked in Amsterdam (October 20). Not only will it be difficult to get the bio-diesel tour buses over the ocean, there isn't a lot of produce still growing in Amsterdam on the last week of October. There might be a few things grown in hothouses, but is there really an environmental benefit, to heating and lighting a glass house in the middle of a Northern European Autumn? Of course, there is one kind of locally grown produce that Amsterdam is famous for, and I speculate that Sheryl enjoys more of that, than we can imagine. At least the vodka will meet the local requirement on that day.