So Republicans are desperately trying to figure out how to beat Obama.
You'd think it'd be easy:
Look at the economy.
It's scarier than Kathy Griffin's discarded spanx: Dreadful unemployment, a dying housing market, a crappy dollar, rising inflation.
It's all bad news.
But the problem with bad news - people hate it.
I'm reminded of that good friend who wants to tell you that whoever you're dating - is bad for you.
You don't want to hear it.
You think, "Wait - I thought you were my friend."
But he's like, "Dude, I'm your friend, she's using you - which is why I'm telling you this. I'm trying to do you a favor."
The Republican party has to be that close pal, and it needs to tell America it's time to cut him loose.
But they need to be smart.
Of Obama, they need to say this to America:
"Look, I don't blame you for falling for him. I mean, look at him:
Charming. Smart. Great abs!
Plus the media pretty much set you guys up! They loved him so, and wanted you to love him, too.
And really, America, let's face it - you were down when you met him - so in a way, he got you on the rebound.
We've all been there.
But you gotta ask yourself: are you really any better off than before him.
I don't think so.
AND I know, he got Bin laden. But if Sean Penn got him, I'd love him too.
But that doesn't mean I have to marry him.
So maybe it's time to move on.
You can't just wait for someone better to come along. That's not fair to you, or him.
And believe me, if you break up with him, I'm sure he'll be fine.
There's always Current TV."
And if you disagree with me, you're a racist homophobe.