So this debt ceiling thing is confusing the hell out of me.
For one, every President seems to really like it.
Case in point - Bush wanted it raised too.
But do you know who was against it then? Obama.
Because, he wasn't President yet.
Now he is.
Suddenly raising the debt ceiling is paramount.
So to me, the President is like your wife, and the debt ceiling is a credit card. You can't blame her for loving it.
But it's time to cut that card in half. We need to say, "Honey, I love you - but hand it over. We'll live."
The point is, raising the debt ceiling is easy, because it's easy!
In the past five years I put on the weight of your average sized child, because I kept raising my "weight ceiling."
I didn't die or anything, although over time, my wife found me repulsive.
Still does, actually.
See, no one just wakes up weighing a thousand pounds - they become morbidly obese incrementally.
The same way we end up with a morbid government - it expands imperceptively into a bloated monstrosity that smells bad and embarrasses you in public.
And speaking of money - isn't it time we find someone who can explain how spending will help you out of a "spending crisis?"
I don't sober up by drinking more, do I?
Well, maybe I do.
Anyway, you can't spend your way out of spending crisis and you can't tax people to make them prosperous.
But if Democrats believe government spending is the answer - - why not do it with tax cuts?
Aren't tax cuts like government spending - except we're the ones doing the spending. The government is just handing the cash over to smarter people like you and me.
Lord knows we'll make better decisions on what to do with our cash. I have my eye on four houseboys. I need new bed posts.
And if you disagree with me, you're a racist homophobe.
Tonight we've got: