Re: Regarding Ninja Turtles and anal hygiene
Dear Ms. Ariana Urbont,
I want to applaud you and Nickelodeon for the courageous stand you took yesterday against bullying. I
am fed up with seeing Presidents and Vice Presidents of major
children’s broadcasters getting pushed around by “concerned parents.” I think we all recognize that “concern” is a red herring -- a pretext to excuse bullying. Does anyone believe these parents’ real concern is the loss of their 5 year olds’ innocence? Please.
A lesser VP would have concluded preserving, as the face of a
children’s show, a vicious and uniquely vulgar misogynist who publicly sexually humiliated a cancer survivor, MS victim and soon-to-be First Lady was an untenable position. After Jason Biggs not only made these remarks but went on to taunt those who objected
for days afterwards, a woman of lesser character than you would
have found another front man she could present as a hero to kindergartners.
A lesser executive would have been concerned with saving her job or
the company’s reputation, but there is a principle at stake here. You can’t put a price on that. Somebody has to teach bullies a lesson, and for that I salute you.
If Nickelodeon can’t knowingly hire actors who publicly boast about hiring prostitutes
to lead the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles without getting run off the
air by “concerned parents,” then what did all those soldiers die for? And if sexual assault isn’t hilarious, I don’t know what is.
With that said, I do have some concerns you might not win this one. I don’t know if you know this, but there’s a war on women going on in this country.
Did you see the look in Megyn Kelly’s eyes when she reported this story on Fox News? I’m not sure she’s going to let this one go. Like Michelle Malkin and Dana Loesch,
Kelly has this thing about attractive, respectable, hard-working
mothers being subjected to nauseatingly sexist attacks for being
non-liberals (I know, right? Take a joke! About your anus…).
I can understand how you might have misjudged how explosive this would be. This really could have gone either way. Sometimes
children’s show stars hire prostitutes, sexually degrade women in
political attacks, teach kids about masturbation and anal bleaching on
twitter, and ridicule Christians for believing in God, and the whole
thing blows over in a couple days.
My professional advice going forward is to keep doing what you’re doing. While
you’re going to have to fire Biggs once Bill O’Reilly takes this up
(it’s coming), it’s best to drag it out as much as possible. You
want people to know how tough it is to determine where the line is and
how thoroughly you appreciate the moral nuances involved here.
You also want people to know that it was only the fear of losing
their money via advertisers that made you do it, not some sort of
independent moral decision. This flatters them, and that’s
much more important than reassuring them they can trust your moral
judgment on behalf of their 5 year olds.
Also, think of all the publicity you’ll get! If you can hold out until the presidential candidates have to comment on it, TMNJ will be all the talk among every six year old in the country once they hear prostitutes and anal penetration are involved. They’ll be dying to watch the show and see what the fuss is about. Parents won’t be able to stop them. You can’t lose!
Simon and Maria Templar