My Great Emir, how kind of you to suggest we begin our annual spring offensive in the spring. We mere Afghans would have never thought of that. I mean, don’t misunderstand me -- we’re absolutely delighted to have the Arab son of a Saudi billionaire providing us with military strategies. How we managed to defeat every other foreign invader in the last two thousand years without your invaluable insights is totally beyond me.
Ever since we took you and your pals in, things have been going just peachy for us. We love being driven out of our country and dodging drones in Waziristan. And I was discussing your promise that the Americans were soft, cowardly and would always cut and run with my friend Hamid just before he ran into a patrol of 101stAirborne Division paratroopers. Oopsy! But the good news is that afterwards we went back and found most of him!
So, you feel free to keep offering us suggestions on how to unscrew the mess you got us into. We Afghans are thrilled to know that we have a military genius like you right behind us, every step of the way.
March 12, 2011: You know what I miss? The ocean. I sure hope I get a chance to go swimming again soon.