Beer Mile Record Smashed!
How fast can you run a mile while drinking four beers? Well, Canadian runner James Nielsen has shown how fast he can do it. He shattered the previous world record by performing the feat in only four minutes and 57 seconds.
The previous record was 5:09 held by beer-thlete Jim Finlayson.
As Nielsen announced his shocking success, the rest of the world was shocked that there are actual rules for running the beer mile. And before you ask, yes, there is an official Beer Mile website.
Apparently beer mile rules require a booze jockey to chug a 12-ounce can of beer every 400-meter lap. That's four beers in a mile. The beer must also be at least 5.0 percent alcohol content. No vomiting allowed. And, for you beer-trotting women, you have to drink four beers, too. No unfairness is allowed for the fairer sex.
Former Olympian Nick Symmonds tried and failed to beat the beer-mile record in 2012. Despite setting a personal goal of beating the beer mile record, the high-speed runner couldn't raise the spirits to clinch it.
After being told of Nielsen's success, Symmonds said, "I guess I better start training."
According to runner's website FloTrack.org, no one was surprised that Nielsen ran a faster first lap (63 seconds) than subsequent laps. He also chugged his first beer faster (8 seconds) than his later libations.
Still, Canadian James Nielsen has made his nation proud by smashing the world beer mile record.
Let's hope that Nielsen got a ride home after his tremendous feat.
Follow Warner Todd Huston on Twitter @warnerthuston or email the author at firstname.lastname@example.org