Real-Life Clubber Lang Eats Wladimir Klitschko's Lunch and Gets Into His Head

If you walk up to the heavyweight champion of the world's lunch table, taunt him, and proceed to eat the food off his plate, one of the alphabet-soup sanctioning bodies should make you the mandatory challenger by virtue of your audacity.

Shannon Briggs crashed Wladimir Klitschko's lunch Friday in Hollywood, Florida. "Everywhere you go, I go," Briggs loudly announced to a stunned Klitschko before literally eating his lunch. "This is my s---! Yeah, that's right," Briggs shouted as he chowed down (It's very rude to talk while you eat.). He shouted to his conscripted dinner companion, "Fake champ!"

By my count, Shannon Briggs violated six of Emily Post's "top-ten table manners" rules: 

#1. Chew with your mouth closed.

#3. Don’t use your utensils like a shovel or as if you’ve just stabbed the food you’re about to eat.

#5. Remember to use your napkin at all times.

#8. Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating (though it is okay to prop your elbows on the table while conversing between courses.)

#9. Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you.

#10. Always say ‘excuse me’ whenever you leave the table.

Klitschko, who watched a taunting Briggs invade his gym (and his ring) earlier this week, proceeded to dump water on his antagonist's head. The Brooklyn fighter then smashed the glass out of the champion's hand, resulting in cuts for the flip-flop wearing 42-year-old and an unspecified injury to Klitschko's hand. 

As two brave bouncers (Wladimir's security?) pushed Briggs from the premises, the former lineal heavyweight champion angrily asked, "You threw water on my head? You threw water on my head? You threw water on my head? You threw water on my head?"

Yes, yes, yes, yes, he did, did, did, did.


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