Touré: Ben Carson GOP's 'Black Friend'

"Just so we're clear, I'm not really into being 'the black friend.' Don't get me wrong, I have lots of white friends, Ari is one of them. But if I get that sense that you like me just because I'm black and you're sort of exoticizing that then your emails stop getting returned. I think a lot of black people would agree, but the demand for black friends continues because some people need them to make themselves feel not racist. Take the Republican party; sometimes they have that 'not so fresh' feeling. I mean 'fresh' in the hip hop sense. What did you think I meant?

"Anyway, their recent autopsy found that they must, 'Be committed to building a lasting relationship within the African-American community year-round, based on mutual respect and a spirit of caring.' They do indeed need to build that because I don't feel cared about by the GOP at all. People who respect and care about me don't try to suppress my vote. I'm kinda big on that. Also, if you want to show me you care, stop trying to kill the Voting Rights Act, Affirmative Action, and calling me a 'taker' and a lazy person and a 'non-real American.' But such is the dysfunctional, abusive relationship the GOP insists on with black folk. They say they want a new relationship while continuing to try to screw us over.

When you're publicly admitting that your party doesn't care enough about black America then it's time for a new black friend. Enter Dr. Ben Carson who has been embraced recently because he's smart and helpful in assuaging their guilt. Carson is a bootstraps kind of guy, speaking their language, talking like he built his path from a poor kid to a pediatric neurosurgeon all by himself. He must have got government-backed school loans, which is a form of public assistance, but let's not let facts derail an 'I built it without help' story.

"Carson is a brilliant medical thinker but he's got intellectual tumors like a flat tax, which is regressive, and ignorant in the face of wealth inequality where the top 1% own 35% and the bottom 60% own 2.3%. I doubt Jesus would tax them equally. Just as I doubt the GOP would entertain a white non-politician with unserious ideas. But Carson has joined the GOP's version of affirmative action, where blacks that can speak conservative game get raced to the front of the line because then people get to put a bumper sticker on their car that say, 'How could I be racist? I would have voted for Carson!' Which would fit nicely over the bumper sticker saying, 'How could I be racist? I would have voted for Cain?' Which fit nicely over the bumper sticker saying, 'How could I be racist? I would have voted for Allen West!'

"Yes, any black friend will do, no matter how far outside the political system they emerge from and no matter how unserious their ideas are. Because it's all make believe. None of them will ever get a nomination for the Presidency, just as the GOP will never get black votes, because the only thing they care about is winning and not the economic or social needs of black people. But in the meantime, imagine away you guys.

"At CPAC Carson said, 'Let's say you magically put me in the White House.' But, my brother, no magic is required to accomplish that. As soon as the sequester ends, you could take a White House tour."

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