I Present 'Swanson Pyramid of Greatness'
Ron Swanson's Pyramid of Greatness...just because.
Here is the text:
Honor: If you need it defined, you can never attain it.
America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other "cultures," use an atlas, or a ham radio.
Buffets: Whenever available. Choose quantity over quality.
Teamwork: Work together as if your life depends on it... IT DOES.
Selfishness: Take what's yours.
Haircuts: 3 acceptable styles: high and tight, buzzed cut, crew cut.
Greatness Itself: The best revenge.
Discipline: The ability to repeat a boring thing over and over again.
Attire: Shorts over 6" are capri pants, Shorts under 6" are European.
Self-Reliance: Trust yourself.
Suspicion: Do not trust anyone else.
Skim Milk*: Avoid it.
C0ow Protein- Always beats turkey meat
Fish (Sport Only): It's practically a vegetable.
Intensity: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.
Torso: Should be thick and impenetrable.
Old Wooden Sailing Ships: They're beautiful.
B.O.: Cultivating a manly musk puts your opponents on notice.
Stillness: Don't waste energy moving unless necessary.
Skim Milk*: That's right. It's on here twice. Avoid It.
Cursing: There is only one bad word. Taxes. If any other word is good enough for sailors it's good enough for you.
Friends: One to Three is sufficient.
Property Rights: They exist. Don't let them be taken away from you.
Masonry: Building walls makes you strong. Defending them makes you even stronger.
Cabins: A place to rest that is made of logs.
Perspiration: Only sweat during physical activity or love making. No emotional sweating.
You: You are your biggest ally.
Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.
Frankness: Cut the B.S.
Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor.
Facial Hair: Full, Thick, and Square, nothing sculpted. If you have to sculpt it that probably means you can't grow it.
Living in the Woods: Live off the Land.
Rage: One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it.
Security: Secure the Land.
Poise: Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That's ridiculous
Handshakes: Firm, Dry, Solid. Three seconds.
Body grooming: Only women shave below the neck.