A Spooky Halloween Story... Paging Dr. Obamastein
I read this story last month and had to share it on Halloween. Reposted with permission from CoolHandSchlute.
Lightning streaks across the sky and a clap of thunder offers its signature “Boom!” as we see a monolithic castle rising from a mountainside, as if it were an extension of the mountain itself. The camera pans up from the base of the ominous structure, taking us to the top of the tallest tower and letting us peer into a single window from which an eerie light is pouring. We hear the hum of machinery and the crackle of electricity as the view inside the room comes into focus. However, this is no ordinary room. This is a laboratory and its inhabitants are no ordinary people. No.. they’re scientists of the mad variety. As we settle into the room, their hushed conversation becomes clearer.. louder..
“Dr. Obamastein! Our creation! It’s.. it’s ready!”
“Very well, IgorBaucus. Uhhhh.. let me be clear.. this will be our crowning achievement. We will change the very face of healthcare with this uhhh labor of ours. Is everything in place?”
As IgorBaucus shuffles over to a control panel, his hump threatening to burst through his tunic, we hear him reply.. “Yes, Dr. Obamastein! We’re almost ready. Der Kommissar Reid’s in town and he implores us not to turn around. He says we must press forward.”
“What of the famed Cruz and Lee? Those two have have been meddling in my affairs and threatening to defund this project from the beginning. Have they been sufficiently detained, IgorBaucus?”
“I am assured by Der Kommissar Reid that even their most valiant efforts to stop us shall not succeed, Doctor. We have the support we need, but we must hurry.”
IgorBaucus motions to his lackey, Kenneth, who throws a switch. The roof opens and exposes Dr. Obamastein’s creation to the heavens as they crackle with lightning, a bolt of which connects with a steel rod, sending a jolt of electricity through the machinery and wiring connected to the table in the middle of the room, causing a motionless form to come to life. As his creation begins to writhe under its coverings, Dr. Obamastein is beaming with pride.
“IgorBaucus! He’s alive! Bring my instruments.. I want to examine him.”
Frau Pelosi leans in from the hallway to exclaim “Excellent, Dr. Obamastein! This is wonderful progress. As I’ve told you, he must be brought to life before we’ll know what he’s like.”
As Dr. Obamastein approaches the table, a withered hand shoots out from under the sheet and grasps the doctor’s throat. Dr. Obamastein recoils, stunned and confused. His and IgorBaucus’s creation is a little more than a mere creation.. it’s a monster named “ObamaScare”.
“You assured me, IgorBaucus! You said this couldn’t fail.”
“Something must have gone wrong Doctor. I poured my heart into this. But on second thought, he’s a train wreck.. you’re on your own.”
With this, IgorBaucus heads for the door, taking Kenneth with him, leaving Dr. Obamastein to face the wrath of his monster, alone.
ObamaScare stands to his feet, towering over the doctor, who cowers in the corner as he pleads for mercy. The monster, not knowing how to stop, but being created only to destroy, lunges forward.
“Der Kommissar Reid! Frau Pelosi! HELP!”
The doctor’s cries go unanswered, his pleas ignored. Dr. Obamastein attempts to delay the monster, turning over furniture and lab equipment, hoping to halt the advance of his dreadful creation. This is, however, to no avail.. ObamaScare is now at full strength and is moving in for the kill.
Cornered, like a rat in a trap, we see Dr. Obamastein about to fall victim to his own hubris at the dreadful hands of ObamaScare. Nothing can save the doctor now, as the monster seizes him and is choking the life from him when.. what’s this?! The townsfolk, made up of establishment Republicrats, burst through the door. We watch curiously, as they move to draw the attention of ObamaScare from their former enemy, Dr. Obamastein.
Brandishing pitchforks and torches, notable members of the town do the unthinkable and rescue the doctor from his creation. Farmer Cornyn strikes at ObamaScare with his pitchfork as Shopkeeper Graham attempts to pin the monster’s arms down. Milkmaid Ayotte sears ObamaScare with a torch and he cries out in pain as General McCain throws shackles on the beast. The Republicrats surround ObamaScare, landing blow after blow, until he lay still and quiet on the floor.
Chief McConnell and his assistant, Inspector Lamar, help Dr. Obamastein up from the cold floor of his laboratory, as Der Kommissar Reid arrives with a carriage named “Cloture” in which to escape.
“Uhhh.. thank you, Republicrats. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
“Done what, Dr. Obamastein?” they ask in unison.
“Well.. nothing. Nothing really. It’s just that uhhhh.. well..”
Dr. Obamastein bolts for the door, headed for Reid’s waiting carriage, leaving the useful and confused Republicrats scratching their heads. Suddenly, a sharp noise! It’s the sound of metal shearing. One by one, the Republicrats turn to see ObamaScare, free from his bonds, wounded and angry, standing between them and the only exit. The camera pans down and a bloodcurdling scream is heard and the picture fades to black..