Mike Long

Articles by Mike Long

Review: 'The Hurt Locker'

The Hurt Locker is not about Iraq, why we went there, what we did when we got there, or whether we should have gone in the first place. It is not about American foreign policy or domestic disagreement over that

Review: 'Bruno'

Well, I liked it. That’s no guarantee you will. Years ago, I did stand-up. Learned a lot doing that. One thing you learn is that there’s often a difference between the craft of comedy and what it takes to reliably

Review: 'Terminator Salvation'

A Terminator mega-robot is fun to watch only if he (it?) is making his (its?) marauding way toward its target; generally, that’s the good guy in the movie who, by superhuman strength and unprecedented cleverness, will dispatch said Terminator in

Review: 'Management' Should Go Back to School

I went to see Management because Steve Zahn is in it, and I’ll see him in anything. Steve Zahn turns out to be pretty much the only reason to see Management, and then only if you’re a big Steve Zahn

Review: 'Sin Nombre' Doesn't Live Up to Reputation

Sin Nombre is a fictionalized account of the largely unknown (to Americans, at least) struggle that would-be immigrants go through long before they even get to the U.S. border. The story of a young man on the run from a

Review: 'Star Trek' is Slick Fun – Nothing Wrong With That

Every action picture is a science-fiction picture anymore. How else to explain Hero Survival In A Hail of Bullets, Inexhaustible Supply Of Energy In A Street Fight, and the Amazing Car That Still Operates After Driving Off A Building? Star

'Crank: High Voltage' is Brilliant

Crank: High Voltage is surely the most visually inventive picture of the year. It is not just candy for your eyes, it is amphetamines. It is among the best times I’ve had at the movies in the past few years.

Review: 'Wolverine' is Lazy Moviemaking

X-Men Origins: Wolverine sounds like an idea for a direct-to-DVD cash-in project: pluck out one character and fill in the back-story, which is considerably cheaper than bringing back the whole cast for another big-screen adventure. But Wolverine aspires to more

'Last House on the Left' Presents Rape as Entertainment

The explicit portrayal of rape in Last House on the Left (2009) is repugnant and coarsening and wrong. Director Dennis Iliadis dwells on the act long past the moment in which we get the point; long past when we have

Review: The Great Buck Howard–A Show Biz Valentine

The Great Buck Howard is a funny, knowing gift for anyone who loves old-fashioned show business: It celebrates the entertainer who is in it for the fun of putting on a good show, and for bringing a little pleasure to

Review: Gomorrah — Five Minutes of Action Crammed Into Two Hours

Watching Gomorrah is like learning Latin: You’d rather say you’ve done it than actually do it. Gomorrah is a slightly fictionalized portrayal of life under the influence of the criminal organization Camorra (unknown to most of the U.S., but apparently

'Two Lovers': One of the Best of 2009

Lots of filmmakers set out to make an evocative picture without concern for making an engaging one. Their motivation, I believe, is to do something out of the ordinary that will set them apart as artists. They see storytelling as

Review: 'The Echelon Conspiracy' Is Shameful

The Echelon Conspiracy could spin off a veritable global economy of work in the form of books, magazine articles, documentaries and parodies to investigate and explain the dissonance between the picture’s pre-production pedigree and the post-production fiasco. There are surely

Look to DVD for Best of 2008

Some of the biggest movies of any year aren’t in wide release until January, so some of us don’t see all them until much later. As of this week, I think I’ve seen what passes for “everything” from 2008. Herewith,

'The International' is no 'Michael Clayton'

I saw The International a few days after I saw Fired Up and I’m trying to figure out how two lowbrow pictures can inspire such different reactions in me. Going in, I knew that both were peddled as screen fodder–something

Review: 'Fired Up' for Mindless Entertainment

I enjoy silly comedies, and Fired Up fills the bill. It’s a standard variation on a plot done a million times before. In this case, two football jocks decide to attend cheerleader camp in order to apply their formidable sexual

G'night, All

2008 was not a very good year for movies–that’s the lesson here. But Big Hollywood rules. Thanks, Andrew & John, for the chance to get to knock it around with the other contributors. Good to get to know y’all a

Best Original Song = Farce

The best song was the theme from GRAN TORINO. There was no competition. Seriously. Don’t take my word for it, go download it from itunes or amazon and listen to it. Best song from any movie this year. Or from

Melanie Graham

Ha to the joke. ha to the construction. Love the construction. Is it okay to love the construction?

ANDY LEVY

I want to be on Red Eye. Is this the proper forum to make that request? If not, oh well.

Drinking Game Idea

Drink every time a presenter says that a film “teaches us to / makes us aware of”….

Thanks to Ned Rice

for mentioning Dr. Gene Scott, the man who integrated the gospel altar call with a spectacular tapestry of profanity. The late Dr. Gene amazed me. I was never sure if he was a bizarre but sincere man of God, or

Stage Right!

Can’t speak for Willingham, but Long is digging the showtunes. It’s not Cop Rock, true, but….

Bladt–

You shoulda been here earlier. Me and Willingham got our love of showtunes out in front of the room.

Sam Karnick

is right, how ’bout a category for “Entertainment” and then another for “Eat Yer Peas”???

Meghan…

You’re right about Pineapple Express. /// All I wanna do is BANG BANG BANG and KA-CHING! and take your money… ///

Seth Rogen Speaks the Truth

Yeah! Why aren’t there awards for popular, funny movies like Step Brothers? Lot harder to make a truly funny comedy than to make a weepy drama. Seth Rogen has created more quality entertainment in his young life so far than

What I Want to Say

My lesson learned about live blogging: There’s the stuff you WANT to say… and the stuff you think you better not say….

Willingham!

You liked Cop Rock, too? I thought I was the only one. I have an ally….

Mike Long's here…

Ready to deliver careless ridicule and remarks I will later regret….

Eat Yer Peas, Drink Yer Milk

Surely many gay Americans have seen Gus Van Sant’s Milk through tears of joy because it marks a long-hoped-for arrival. For the first time in mainstream entertainment (at least, this is the picture that got all the fanfare), the history

Forgettable 'Friday the 13th'

The remake of Friday the 13th is notable only for its title; we have seen this stuff literally hundreds of times before, sometimes done better (whatever that means to you in this context) and sometimes done worse. This new picture

'Taken' Is Justice–And It's About Time

There is little justice in this world. Probably because the bad guys have so many apologists. Taken, on the other hand, is an all-out revenge fantasy in which — finally — the Go-Slow Gang and their Root Causes Orchestra are

Over the Couch at the Holiday Inn

Eh. Most movies are designed (that’s the best word for it, I believe) to provide a memorable experience to the audience, and characters end up being minor tools, among others, to do it. A few movies are the reverse of

Too Much Certainty To "Doubt"

“Doubt” is a little too subtle, believe it or not. We don’t tend to think of movies as subtle–so many things blowing up, so many emotions played for the back of the house–but frequently, a significant fact is provided to

"It takes backbone to live the life you want."

When I was 31, I realized that I shouldn’t be a systems analyst. I hadn’t set out to be that and it had become (quite literally) painfully clear that I could not be happy in that life. I had a