I’m tired of ignoring the elephant in the room, so I’ll just come out and say it. Christians are corny, out of touch, lonely creepers who generally end up becoming murderers or rapists…. At least that’s what Hollywood’s taught me.
Sure this one’s been a long time coming, and with everything that’s been going on, how could I NOT make a video about the twitchy old bird. It isn’t enough that she’d been undermining our administration for years, now she’s
I know, I know. It’s cliche and trust me, I hated the punks/celebrities who wore those slogan t-shirts throughout the Bush administration as much as the rest of you. The day Obama was elected, like many of you I told
Is there anything more abnormal than being a mid-teen virgin in the year 2009? Not if you’d hear Hollywood tell it. After watching a slew of teen-movies this weekend, I feel quite pathetic. It seems that all this time, I’ve
I still can’t decide which is silliest; a person believing in a God who “isn’t there,” or a person offended by a God whom he doesn’t believe exists. It’s a tough question, but I’m sure Janeane Garofalo has the answer…
Honestly, I don’t get it. If there is a more under-qualified, un-interesting group of female hacks available for hire… Well I certainly haven’t found them. Ever since my grade school days as I mastered the art of “faking sick” and
Very rarely does an artist open himself up to the point of being vulnerable. However, during these uncertain times, it is necessary to take risks for the sake of art. Picasso had his brush, Beethoven had his piano and I
I was back in junior high when my dad used this unforgettable analogy: “The role of the government is similar to that of a hockey referee. His job is to keep the players safe and keep the pace of the
Oh Perez Hiton… What will you do next? If my recent column took aim at “Perez Hilton the PR stunt,” this video addresses “Perez Hilton the man.” In a nutshell; Perez Hilton is the epitome of everything that is wrong
There, I said it. I can appreciate one’s creativity, I can appreciate one’s work ethic, I can appreciate one’s mental fortitude, but I cannot (and shouldn’t be required to) appreciate someone’s sexuality. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t believe that
What do you get when you combine a spineless president and a cabinet of cronies with some 80’s pop culture references? … Well it pretty much turns out like this. — [youtube mwzEx0t-cmA nolink] With that being said, Paul Reubens’
… Bull Crap. Listen, violence freed the slaves, took down the axis of evil and still manages to fix every remote control that I’ve ever owned. More recently, the use of force quickly brought an end to the escapades of
Watching this video, I know that many of you will have a few questions; “Canadians dislike Americans?”, “Why do they speak so weirdly?” and of course “… There’s a country to the North of us?” As merely a half-Canuck, I’m
I’ll be the first to say it; Barack Obama’s G20 speech inspired me over the past week… I tell you no lies. In the spirit of his apologetic, butt-kissing extravaganza, I felt compelled to make some additional apologies on behalf
On November 4th, 2008, when I realized that Joe Biden was going to be the next Vice President of the United States, I swear that I could hear “Taps” playing faintly in the distance. There’s no used crying over spilled
Many of you may not know this, but before my Hollywood escapades I was once the world’s most sought after fight analyst. By “sought after,” I mean that I was swiftly escorted off of The Fertitta Brothers property with a
I’m the first to admit it; Music is not my “forte.” However, due to the staggering number of misinformed Americans, I decided to employ some Child Education/Propaganda tactics in the latest video. Plus, everyone likes Billy Joel! Well except for
Notice how I avoided using the word “Retarded?” I’ve seen that many conservatives have developed a sudden hyper-sensitivity for the disabled this week, so I’ve opted to tread lightly. The truth is that atheism is literally a “retarded” philosophy in
I hate to say it, but we’re officially becoming a nation of sissies with radical leftists leading the cause. Tipping our hand to the enemy and openly “banning torture” defies all logic and denies the history of war. Now, before
Cancer is no laughing matter. AIDS on the other hand, can be hilarious…. But I digress. A friend of mine went in for a prostate cancer operation this weekend. The whole ordeal lead me to a painful realization: If you
This topic is long overdue (especially in light of the death threats). Oftentimes, people wonder where conservatives get the cojones to say the things that we do. It’s simple… We’re armed. It’s a tough concept to grasp among the pansies
Copied below is the ACTUAL letter that I sent to and was signed for by Lorne Micheals (and assistant) today over at NBC. I know that the writing is a little less snippy than usual, but please take into account
This video was actually sent to the kind folks over at PETA this afternoon. Sure they’ll probably be upset, but those chumps are so malnourished that I needn’t fear any physical imposition. Heck, I’m an entire “Jonas Brother,” heavier than
*Warning: Extremely Offensive Material* Since putting a “fatwa” on my head seems to be in vogue, I’m banking on getting my face on the cover of “GQ”. Get lost, Jude Law. Sure, following the massive influx of violent threats, I
