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Victoria Jackson

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Sarah Palin: The Perfect Feminist

The perfect Feminist is Sarah Palin. She is beautiful, thin, even athletic, successful, happily married, a good mother and a grandmother. She’s got it all – everything those Suffragettes were fighting for back in 1920. Not only can she vote,

I Met Arizona Quang

Prescott, AZ July 25, 2010. I find myself in a storybook Town Square. A perfect pillared 1800’s courthouse surrounded by ancient trees and a Sound Of Music gazebo. Across the street is The Palace, a famous bar that people like

Sunbathing Naked (Day Three)

I’m sunbathing naked again. I don’t really like it. It’s sweaty. But, I think it might make me look thinner. And, I have no work. And, no one can see me. Maybe Google Earth. I’m on the last chapter of

Sunbathing Naked (Day Two)

I’m sunbathing naked again. No one can see me. Just birds and bees. And red ants. And God. I guess I’ll have to move back to FL. I love LA. But, my family needs me in FL. I don’t seem

Sunbathing Naked (Day One)

I’m sunbathing naked in my backyard. I’m on the lookout for bees. Yesterday one stung me on my thigh. Thoughts are swimming in my sun baked head. One thought keeps popping out amidst the others. I can’t keep up with

I'm Mad at Christians

I was sitting in Church-Lady Helen’s living room. Someone commented on the illegal immigration problem. I said, “For some strange reason our government doesn’t know that illegal immigration is illegal.” Pious Helen stuck her nose in the air and proudly

Obama is Castro

Vicki: Mom, I just did a Tea Party speech in Washington, D.C. I sang my song, “There’s a Communist Living in the White House!” Mom: Oh No! I don’t want you to get shot! Vicki: You see what you just

I MET SARAH PALIN!

As you can see from this photograph, I can’t quite reach Sarah Palin. This is a group shot of Sarah with my fellow Tea Party Express-ers in Boston. I’m on the left in the back row next to a man

My Sarah Palin Experience

Searchlight, NV March 27, 2010 My friend Bonnie asked me to drive with her to Searchlight, NV for the Tea Party Express Kickoff where Sarah Palin was going to speak. I said, “Yes!” Then, I started thinking about reality. I

GUNS

“Fuzzy Gun” by James Jackson “Guns are tools. They are no better or worse than the person holding them.” W.P. Wessel I have a gun. It has never shot anyone. Not even people I’m mad at. It just lies there,

The 'F' Word

Rahm Emanuel. (I’m shaking my head slowly). It’s not his real name you know. “Emmanuel” means “God with us” and that is not his real name. It’s Auerbach. Look it up. And…Rahm means “high” or “lofty.” Mark Levin calls him

The Obamunism Bikini

I think the sleeping giant has been awakened. Now the sleeping giant needs to put on some clothes. Hallelujah! I was praying about our country. And then, Scott Brown dropped out of the sky. My friend Bonnie was praying and

What's The Rush?!

The RUSH is what scares me. “Impatience does not diminish but augments the evil.” (Latin proverb) Okay, we all know that this global warming thing is a politically based, scientifically unproven, exaggeration based on greed, power and big government control.

I QUIT POLITICS

I quit politics. For one thing, I can’t sleep because I absent-mindedly forgot to include three of my favorite Freedom Fighters in my Truth Tellers list, Levin, Malkin and Coulter. I love them. If they ever find out that I

A LOVE LETTER (To Glenn Beck)

I think of you often. I’m getting my fake fingernails put on and I’m thinking of you. I have a pitch meeting at Pie Town tomorrow and I chewed all my real fingernails off last night watching Anita Dunn express

If I Were A Guest on the New Joy Behar Show

(Applause. The air is titillating. The mood rambunctious. The atmosphere tense. Over the loud speaker we hear, “3, 2, 1 and …”) Joy: Hello, Victoria. So, I hear you’re a Tea Partier! (Sarcastic smile. Eyes roll.) Victoria: Oh, well… Joy:

'HELP!'

I remember three images from September 11, 2001: 1) People jumping from burning buildings. 2) Congress standing outside, humbly bowing their heads, and praying. This was a shocking sight. 3) The pews of my church completely full of people…and for

Bibles

Liberalism is Communism is Atheism “A rose by any other name is still a rose.” Liz is driving me to the 9-12 Westwood Tea Party. I’m biting my fake fingernails because I’m one of the speakers and I don’t have

LIES

I’m lying in my Tiffany blue bedroom, in the dark, listening to the President tell lies. He’s so good at it, that he is smiling and lots of people are clapping. He says, “Public Option. No one will have to

From The Front Lines

4:30 p.m. Alhambra Town Hall Health Care Meeting with Congressman Shiff: August 12, 2009 I’m sitting in the parking lot, a poster board and black Sharpie in hand, the radio on Frank Pastori, 99.5 FM. He’s passionately discussing the very

Fishy

I’m doing standup in Denver. Shelley is driving me from radio to radio to TV as I do the monkey dance at each station promoting the show, selling tickets. I don’t like this part of the job. I must answer

Cockroaches in the Hospital on Your Chest

Since I turn 50 next month, I’m focused on my Bucket List. There are only 2 things left I haven’t accomplished. 1) I’ve always wanted to be “an airhead on a sitcom.” Of all the roles I’ve played, many of

President Obama and the "C" Word

Well, they are finally starting to use it. I think you might remember I was the first. I bravely spoke it to the Hollywood Congress of Republicans (October, 2008), who put it on the Internet; and then I spoke it

Troopathon 2009: It Means, 'I Love You'

The Military by Victoria Jackson Thank you for being so unselfish to fight for freedom for me. I admire your devotion and bravery. I think of you often and every time I see a flag I ask God to protect

Why I Walked Out of 'Year One' Crying

I had a date with Judd Apatow. It was around 1991 and I was between husbands: the out-of-work-Jewish-Gypsy-fire-eater-musician, and the high-school-sweetheart-Baptist-helicopter-police-pilot. I needed a date to a premiere. I knew the rules of engagement for a Hollywood career, and I

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