Mitt Romney and Barack Obama are being interviewed by Monday Night Football host Chris Berman in prerecorded interviews to be played tomorrow night. In the interest of saving time, here’s the transcript:
Berman: Governor Romney, is it true that when your family goes to a football game, the tailgate party is restricted to apple juice and milk?
Romney: Why, that’s true, Chris. Every so often we get a little adventurous and pull out a couple of cans of eggnog. (Apologetically) I know it’s not Christmas yet, but sometimes you just get the urge for something different.
Berman: (with a wink) And a little rum, huh?
Romney: Actually, no.
Berman: (abashed) Sorry.
Romney: Not a problem. Say, wanna throw some with my boys?
Berman: Why, sure. (Chortling) Hey, guys, whistle that pigskin over here will ya? (whack) Maybe not so hard next time. Ouuuuchhhh. (turning to Obama) Mr. President, is it true that when you go to the football game, you can outgun, outrun, and outkick any player on the field?
Obama: Why, Chris, let me be perfectly clear: If I can make the oceans recede, you really think throwing a football is a big deal? Here, tell your family over there to zip me the ol’ rawhide. Let me show you how to –
Berman: (whispering) Mr. President, the camera’s on. You didn’t look so good throwing a baseball . . .
Obama: Why, Chris, just let me get my hands on the ol’ cowhide. Go ahead, throw it to me!
Berman: Now just hold still, Mr. President, you’ll get your wind back. Breathe in . . . breathe out . . .
Obama: I want revenge.
Romney: Now, boys . . . not quite so hard.
Tagg Romney: Hey, Dad, don’t blame us. That was Mom.
Image credit: PhilaPhans