It’s Valentine’s Day – and that means it’s time to get a gift for your special someone. What is she looking for? Traditional flowers and chocolates are passé; a nice dinner seems hackneyed. Here are some suggestions from those in the cultural/political world for what women really want for Valentine’s Day:
1. Abortion. According to Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood, women are looking to terminate their pregnancy for Valentine’s Day. She tweeted a Vine of herself holding a sign with hashtag #WhatWomenNeed for Valentine’s Day:
– Cecile Richards (@CecileRichards) February 10, 2014
Warning: If your sweetheart is pregnant and you buy her a gift certificate to Planned Parenthood, things may not go all that well.
2. Childcare. House Minority Leader Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) used Valentine’s Day to push for government funding for childcare:
– Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) (@NancyPelosi) February 10, 2014
Pelosi then tweeted that affordable childcare is better than chocolate:
– Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) (@NancyPelosi) February 6, 2014
Because nothing kills romance like having to deal with those annoying children. So go rob the rich guy next door to pay for the babysitter.
3. Equal Pay. Senator Sen. Mazie Hirono (D-HI) tweeted out this doozy:
– Senator Sen. Mazie Hirono (D-HI) (@maziehirono) February 10, 2014
That’s a myth. But your love isn’t.
4. Birth Control. A condom for your lady is the ultimate gift, according to those love gurus at Planned Parenthood. In fact, it replaces a wedding ring:
– PPMaryland (@PPMaryland) February 12, 2014
If you like it, then you’d better put a condom on it. Or, as Justin Timberlake sang, you could go without the condom.
5. Obamacare. Get Covered Illinois says the best basis for a solid romantic relationship is government-subsidized healthcare. “When it comes to pursuing a relationship, a new survey shows that for many Illinoisans, health insurance is an important factor,” the Obamacare contractor says. Gold-digging: the highest form of romance.
6. A Break-Up. Because happiness means ditching your significant other to walk alone on a beach. If you have that sort of cash, and look like a model:
– CheapCaribbean.com (@cheapcaribbean) February 14, 2014
7. Pictures of a Weird Senator. Just because:
Happy Valentine’s Day, Franni. -Al pic.twitter.com/tk1almMeMM
– Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) (@alfranken) February 14, 2014
9. Webcam Porn. Today is the biggest day of the year for that. Natalie Star, a web porn model, explains: “If you think about it, there’s hundreds of thousands of lonely guys, they don’t have wives, they don’t have girlfriends. It’s huge, not only for the customers that know you, but for the girls who are trying to build their audiences.” The lonely need romance, too.
10. A Romantic Weekend With the King of Jordan. Without Michelle. Or her mother.
What do men and women really want? Studies show that women want jewelry (35 percent), flowers (24 percent), or a card (10 percent). Men, predictably, want sex (44 percent). Unless they want a video game (14 percent).
Ben Shapiro is Senior Editor-At-Large of Breitbart News and author of the New York Times bestseller “Bullies: How the Left’s Culture of Fear and Intimidation Silences America” (Threshold Editions, January 8, 2013). He is also Editor-in-Chief of TruthRevolt.org. Follow Ben Shapiro on Twitter @benshapiro.