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Conservative Culture Victories Make Salon Cry ‘Uncle’

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A series of conservative legal and cultural slam dunks have obviously smarted, since the liberal rag Salon couldn’t help but publish a list of them, interspersing them with alleged sexual crimes of conservatives in the hope of transferring guilt by association.

Salon took the article from Alternet, calling it “The Perverse Obsessions of Right-Wing Patriarchal Christians.” The 2000-word rant by Valerie Tarico accuses conservatives of being obsessed with sex and procreation, along with—unbelievably—“anti-kid.”

The bizarre list of offenses bounces randomly all the way from Paraguay to Wisconsin, decrying pro-life victories in South America and repeating the Planned Parenthood lie that “Wisconsin governor Scott Walker calls forced vaginal ultrasound before abortion ‘a cool thing,’” which, of course, never happened.

Tarico laments the Vatican’s firm response to Ireland’s same-sex marriage referendum, in which in a welcome show of chutzpah, the Holy See’s number two man called the fiasco a “defeat for humanity.” She also rends her garments over the Colorado victory of common sense, where “conservative Republicans” killed funding for a program for implanting IUDs into teenage girls.

All of this, Tarico contends, leads “normal” people to think that “Christians are judgmental, control-freakish, sex-obsessed hypocrites,” with the motto: “Machos rule! Females, fags, and five-year-olds drool!”

If nothing else, such naked, hate-filled speech reveals the visceral rage of a woman who has thrown reason to the wind.

From the hysterical tone of the article, in fact, one would get the impression that America is in forced lockdown under the boot of an all-oppressive conservative establishment. This is clearly not the case, but it may be encouraging for conservatives to hear that, at least in the minds of liberals, all is not lost for the conservative cause.

The author then lays out her own lengthy program for guilt-free, no-strings-attached sex with whomever you want, whenever you want, in whatever manner you want, regardless of the consequences. As the paragraphs drag on it become clear that the one obsessed with sex here is Tarico, not the conservatives she rails against.

As the article (finally!) wraps up, it become clear that Tarico’s real beef is not really with conservatives at all, but with God. The Bible and the God it proclaims is the real problem here.

Tarico says that “patriarchal Christian men are obsessed with lording it over women, queers and kids” because in the view of the Bible writers “that is the right and proper order of things, ordained by Yahweh himself—who, by the way, gets really mean when people don’t do things his way.”

And so, she concludes, the reason “why patriarchal Christians are so obsessed with controlling sex” lies in this “Iron Age script.”

Sometimes it takes the histrionics of an unhinged liberal crying “Uncle” to realize that things may not be as bad as they seem.

Follow Thomas D. Williams on Twitter: @tdwilliamsrome

 


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