The Women’s World Cup is over, and soccer fans across the civilised world are no doubt starting to feel the pangs of withdrawal.
They need not despair. Although the WWC was just as thrilling as we all expected, there’s another sporting event which might just surpass it.
The anonymous imageboard 4chan is well known for its eclectic mix of memes, autism, and depraved evil. Although it has been surpassed in many regards by its upstart competitor, 8chan, it remains a powerful hub of online culture.
For the past four years, some of the site’s most dedicated time-wasters have been running a simulated soccer tournament, known as the 4chan Cup.
Soccer (known to American readers as Kicky Kicky Funball) can be distinguished from football (or handegg) by its rules. Unlike American football, where the aim is to score touchdowns, soccer games are won by the team that persuades the referee that they’ve been crippled by light injuries.
Much like the online social justice movement, victimhood is the path to success.
The 4chan Cup runs a Winter and Summer tournament, the latter of which has recently concluded. The site’s boards, which cover a range of topics from guns to anime girls, are pitted against each other in a customised series of Pro Evolution Soccer matches.
This year’s champions hailed from the /mlp/ board, a section of 4chan dedicated to discussion of the children’s cartoon series My Little Pony. Its star players include luminaries such as Derpy Hooves, Princess Twilight, and Horsef***r.
Although the tournament is concluded, Kicky Kicky Funball fans can catch up on the nail-biting matches at the 4chan Cup’s official streaming channel. All matches can be watched online for free, although viewers will not be compensated for any psychological trauma.
Much like real-world soccer, the 4chan Cup suffers from allegations of corruption. The 4chan Cup Committee, who administrate the tournament, have been accused of “rigging” games by 4chan users displeased with their team’s performance.With vast amounts of digital street cred at stake, 4chan posters take these allegations very seriously.
The Cup even has its own version of Sepp Blatter, a user known as “GermanBro”, who is described as being at the centre of corruption allegations. It is unknown if he too has affairs with Russian supermodels. Who can say.
Despite its scandal-ridden reputation, the 4chan cup continues to attract considerable enthusiasm and attention. The tournament’s official streaming channel, for example, has over 700,000 views. This suggests it has already surpassed the Women’s World Cup.
The main threat to the 4chan Cup in future years is the attention of normies. Like the epic meme Pepe the Frog, the tournament’s value on the meme markets may be extinguished if it receives too much mainstream coverage. Luckily, there’s not much chance of that, as we hear that merely reading Breitbart will get you fired from NPR, the New York Times, MSNBC, and Jeb Bush’s presidential campaign.
Follow Allum Bokhari @LibertarianBlue on Twitter.