Go to YouTube and type in, “I Pledge” for the latest insufferably, self-important pat on its own back courtesy of Hollywood. The video montage is Tinsletown’s way of pledging fidelity to Barack Obama and letting him know that…”You’re Not Alone!” Because while Iran scurries to acquire a nuclear weapon and the economy falters, Demi Moore pledges to smile more (and “to be a servant to our President”), Eva Longoria pledges to laugh more, Cameron Diaz pledges to learn her neighbors’ names, and Jason Bateman pledges to save the planet by only flushing after a deuce. Give Barack Obama credit for one thing: he seems to have woken the consciousness of an entire class of people who are out of touch and inspired them to demonstrate how they are completely and utterly out of touch.
But heck, Hollywood, good for you guys. You have finally realized that you are Americans too, and you can once again attend overseas premieres with pride, rather than the shame of citizenship under the Bush administration. While you are at it, maybe you could pledge to make Khalid Sheikh Mohammed smile and love more too. That guy could use a hug and an environmentally friendly toilet. And since you are looking to pitch in now and to “turn the lights off,” “trade in your obnoxious car and buy a hybrid,” and “drive slower,” I have a few other ideas for how you might be able to help. Please, forgive me if these suggestions may seem a little punitive, perhaps counter-productive, but this is a time for sacrifice and a time to embrace the collective, selfless philosophy of Democrats and The One.
Until Republicans acted this week, the Senate was actually prepared to bestow hundreds of millions of dollars of stimulation for Hollywood. The “Hollywood clause” would have given movie studios special tax breaks and enabled them to depreciate the costs of production equipment at a quicker rate. Perhaps, however, Congress should consider reinserting that provision. Doing so would give us the perfect excuse to impose the types of compensation controls on the movie industry that President Obama is now demanding of other industries who receive federal help.
Unlike the greedy Wall Street executives though, who have torpedoed our economy by allowing federal bureaucrats to bludgeon them into making bad loans, Hollywood would surely understand the merit of pay caps. After all, it would enable the entertainment world to fulfill its pledge “to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.” (Cut for laughter and gagging and take two!)
But seriously, for the people who are leading the environmental movement and spearheading efforts to turn the Academy Awards green, cut back on the number of SUV’s in their entourage, and demonstrate frugality to Al Gore, this is such a great opportunity to demonstrate restraint and help out the new President. What better way to show solidarity with Democrats who want to impose a command and control economy and to confiscate wealth from the rich. Especially since everyone needs to make sacrifices right now. Not to worry though, Steven Spielberg and crew, it will feel patriotic.
As such, we should cap the compensation that movie studios and Silver Screen stars make, particularly given the wealth disparities between the actors and actresses and the grips, stagehands, and extras. While there will be times for profits, this is not that time, especially when people are losing jobs and the Golden State’s $40 billion budget deficit is bigger than most countries’ total economic GDP.
It so refreshing to see Hollywood stars embracing this new America. They are just in time to put their dollars where their mouths are and to start fulfilling their pledge.
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