Inside The Head Of President Obama

“Thank you members of the press. Nice to see you. I’ll have a short statement then I’ll be happy to take some questions….”

Oh-oh- teleprompter went dead. Remain calm. Smile. Make eye contact.

Why the hell are all the press naked and smoking cigarettes? ……….. David Gregory,… Hannity, and Helen Thomas?!

Wake up.

Blink. Stare at the ceiling.

Oh — my — God.

What-the-heck-did-I-get-myself-into? …….I am really the President.

Yes – I – did.

Everyone wants a piece of me….but okay, calm down, it’s manageable. Can’t show fear. Gotta stop acting like the sky is falling.

Gee, I could use a cigarette.

What time is it….. 8:45 AM … Late again.

Okay. Everyone can and will wait. I’m aware that about 5,000 people’s schedules are affected by any lateness or procrastination on my part, but that’s just how I roll. Obama time. Style is power.

I still can’t believe those security debriefings. I had no idea all that stuff Bush was warning us about was really true. Here I was thinking it was gonna be all JFK, Roswell or Louie Louie lyrics, but damn – could have knocked me over with a feather. And now they are asking me what I’m going to do about it.

All those plots we foiled. All those people we saved, and no one can know. But now, I know.

Cigarette.

Okay, calm yourself. Gotta keep up the image. Calm, cool. True to my base. Dear Lord, my base…they were wrong. We are in real danger.

Carlton is lowest tar …right?

The economy. Gotta get back to the politics of hope. Better stop saying ‘crisis’ every other sentence.

There’s the annoying intercom again.

“Time to get up Mr. President. Speaker Pelosi and Harry Reid are here to see you.”

Geeez, these two don’t let up. Probably bringing me some more ideas for hope and change. Who’s the president here?

“Then, Mr. Axelrod has your latest poll numbers.”

Poll numbers? I’m not Clinton.

“Yes, okay….. tell them I’ll be there soon.”

I’d rather be campaigning again.

Well, at least the press is laying off about my national health care program.

Man I need a cigarette.

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