Skip to content

Everybody Lay Off Dave Konig!


I like him. He’s nice guy (or so I’ve heard). If you’re irritated at him defending Tom Shillue defending Janeane Garofalo, you’re just going to have to take my word for it. (Or at least the guy’s word who told me Konig was a nice guy.)

Dave posted a column defending Tom defending Janeane and I just wanted to say there’s merit to go around for everybody! I don’t know what the big deal is, us right wing extremists being tagged as racists. I’ve already admitted I’m a racist coward!

I used to be a liberal. But I realized in the end…that I’m just not cool enough to be a Lefty. I’m squaresville. Boring. Traditional values, God, honor, country. Oh sure, I do speak a little French. (But my poker buddies don’t know, and please don’t tell them.) I was privileged to have spoken at a Tea Party rally April 15, being the opening ‘act’ to Andrew Breitbart, who rallied the troops and fomented excitement and patriotism. But now that Ms. Garofalo has pointed out our insidious ulterior motives to me, I now see her point. Not once was race even brought up! No one mentioned the vaguest reference to race in any manner. And there lies the rub, dear friends:

Nobody talked boldly about race the entire day.

Thus proving Garfalo’s point (and buttressing Eric Holder’s: Anyone who is a Tea Party attending right wing extremist and doesn’t talk boldly and unceasingly about race…is…well, a racist.

“The debate…is over.” – A. Gore

So we need to cut Dave some slack in defending Tom defending Janeane. Anyway, she’s got tattoos…and hey, what’s cooler than that? I’m thinking about having a few put on myself…one arm done with a mural of, I don’t know, something subtle, like…Dante’s Inferno. And I mean, the whole novel, man! And maybe Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel on my belly. God and Adam touching fingers on my naval. And a game of Pac-Man on my back, level seven. And SpongeBob SquarePants on my butt.

But enough about my butt (I know, ttsssh!, what a narcissist, huh?). Back to Dave.

Dave is a very nice man, loves his family and is a wonderfully funny guy — as I’ve said before, when mentioning the guy who told me that he was. But the guy who told me he was funny is a very reliable guy; and I have absolutely no reason to doubt his sincerity, and therefore we should all go out and buy Dave’s comedy CD. Oh, wait, do they even sell CD’s in stores now? Isn’t it all this download thingy? Okay, everybody go onto Itunes and download Dave’s and Tom’s and Janeane’s stuff…whatever it is. Just enter your card number and hit “buy everything.” (Oh yeah and buy my book too.)

I hope I’ve been helpful, and not just self-serving, self-possessed, self-aggrandizing and in other ways…selfish. But then, what would you expect from a racist coward right wing extremist with no tats?


Comment count on this article reflects comments made on and Facebook. Visit Breitbart's Facebook Page.