Terror Plot: A Bronx Tale

On the same day that President Obama gave his Guantanamo speech excoriating the Bush administration (will somebody tell this guy he won the election – as the great political philosopher Dean Martin would say; “What are you hollering for? You got the job!”) the FBI rounded up a gang of knucklehead terrorists bent on a) killing Jews in the Bronx and b) killing our soldiers at Stewart Air Base in Newburgh, NY.

On the same day we were being told the Gitmo must go, that we can just absorb all those unfortunate Al Queda types into our regular prison system, guess where our Bronx Bombers were introduced to, and indoctrinated into, radical Islamic terrorism? Our regular prison system.

Timing is everything, aint it?

As a Jew from the Bronx, I gotta admit I took a little umbrage at these guys. Jews from the Bronx generally frown upon people who want to blow up synagogues in the Bronx.

As for their other plan – to blow some Army aircraft out of the Newburgh skies over Stewart, I kind of take that personally too. As a soldier in the New York Guard I have deployed out of the aforementioned Stewart in the aforementioned Army aircraft. In 2004 my State Guard unit was activated to augment National Guard troops on duty before, during, and after the ’04 Republican National Convention. During the two week activation we made a couple of trips out of Stewart in Blackhawks and Chinooks. The Chinook is like a large airborne bus, you get a smooth ride. I fell asleep in one. The Blackhawk, on the other hand, is nerve wracking. Here’s a tip: if it’s your first time in a Blackhawk, and your pilot is a NY Air National Guardsman, don’t tell him it’s your first time. My guy took great pleasure in taking me on a joyride – with the hatch open – swooping all over the Hudson valley, laughing hysterically as I screamed like a little girl. These guys are from New York – they know how to break in a rookie.

Today, I still I have many friends in the New York Guard who regularly augment National Guard training at Stewart. So, I get a little irritated when I hear about plots to blow up military aircraft from this particular base.

In my old neighborhood (Parkchester, east Bronx) we’d save the President a lot of trouble deciding where to put these bums. Forget Gitmo, water boarding, rendition: just send them to the bleachers at Yankee Stadium on bat giveaway day. If the beer vendors do their job properly, by the third inning our Bronx Osama-lovers wouldn’t pose much of a problem for anyone!

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