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Daily Gut: The Human Trading System

So yet another illegal alien has been found stowed away in the cargo area of a plane. He endured a hellish trip to get here, and will be returned to his heinous craphole of a country after being treated for dehydration.

Yeah, I know what he did was “illegal” and all that – but whenever I read about a dude pulling off something like this, I keep thinking an exception needs to be made. Whenever the amount of risk taken to come here far exceeds anything most Yankee chuckleheads would do to stay, then that risk taker deserves citizenship. I mean this guy risked his life so he could work as a cashier at Arby`s. Would Jon Cusack do the same?

Fact is, our country is crammed full with children who think they`re adults, and adults pretending to be children – all handed endless opportunities simply because they were born here. Millions of these Americans squander, mock and abuse the country that other folks would die to get into – and for this reason it`s time to enact a solution I’ve mentioned previously: a human trading system. Mind you: this is not human trafficking. It`s human trading. It`s different. There is no cash or sex involved (yet).

For example, I would gladly give up the entire Hulk Hogan brood, for this Ethiopian dude from the cargo hold. Or better, for every immigrant found in the wheel well of a jet, we forfeit an entire cast of the Real World or Charm School – sending them to whatever country that brave soul escaped from. Then we`d finally populate this great country with people who truly understand why it`s great, while getting rid of anyone who thinks Green Day lyrics mean something.

Of course, this kind of human trading is probably illegal – which is why we`d have to do it at night. I have a panel van and some GHB left over from the weekend.


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