After a long day at work on a commercial shoot, I decided to unwind with a little internet and cable television. Politics and punditry are my hobby, not my main source of income, so I indulge in a little cable news and internet sites as time permits. I’ve always felt it important to see the world outside the “echo chamber” of like-minded folks, so my television sits for far too many hours on MSNBC and the Huffington Post is bookmarked on my browser.
What struck me from a few hours of watching leftist television and reading leftist gobbledygook is how far detached from reality these people are. It’s not a simple case of them having a few points wrong, or looking at things from a bizarrely biased perspective; they truly make statements and cling to ideas that have no basis in reality. As conservatives struggle to find apt metaphors to explain their opponent’s mindsets and delusions, I think I may have figured it out.
The left in our country is high. Completely stoned out of their minds.
Living and working in L.A., one encounters more stoners on the average day than they do illegal immigrants. I’ve worked with stoners. I’ve dated stoners. I’ve lived with stoners. I know stoners inside and out and I can tell you, without a doubt, that the Democrat Party is completely crunked.
Stoners always think that they are smarter than they really are. Copious amounts of THC trick the brain into thinking that the most banal thought is somehow a stroke of genius. Just watch a bunch of stoners debate philosophy and metaphysics. The most ridiculous comments take on the gravitas of a Stephen Hawking thesis. Morons think that they are Michio Kaku after a towering bong hit.
Stoners live for the moment. They are all about feelings, not facts. They possess a detached sense of cause and effect. I recall one specific episode when I came home and tore into my stoner roommate for not having his share of the rent. His solution to his lack of rent was simple. See, the real problem wasn’t his lack of money, but my reaction to it. I was far too stressed about the situation. What we should do, to solve the rent problem, was grab a couple of drinks at the Cafe Formosa on Santa Monica and then head over to Crazy Girls, a local gentleman’s club. After that excursion, I would calm down and stop harshing his gig over the unpaid rent.
Six Coronas and two lap dances later, I wasn’t as furious. We both felt better. To the stoner, everything was fixed. Problem solved! Unfortunately, the rent was still unpaid. My loser roommate still didn’t have a job
Stoners never emerge from their stupor. Part of being a true “wake and bake” stoner is the ability to remain faded. True stoners never snap out of it. I’ve dealt with coke heads and alcoholics, but stoners are a different breed. The alkie and the base head will go on their binge, then apologize profusely for their conduct; until, of course, the next time they go on a bender. The pot head always exists in a dream like world of cannabis induced euphoria. They do not see their drug addiction as a problem, but instead, as a heightened sense of being and awareness.
Lastly, stoners never have their own money. Remember those Chili’s leftovers you were planning on eating? How about those delicious Red Baron frozen pizzas? Chances are good that your stoner roommate ate your food while you were at work. Sure, they promise to “hook you up” as soon as they get a chance to go to Ralph’s, but it never happens. Stoners have a bizarre, communal logic that dictates that everything exists for the collective. Your pizza, your stash, your girlfriend all exist for the greater stoner good. To demand private ownership of anything is an offense to the “stoner code.”
With this in mind, how can one not see the recent doings in Washington as anything but massive cannabis abuse? Cash for clunkers? Stoner logic. Stimulus package? Stoner logic. Government run health care? Stoner logic. Cap and trade? Stoner logic.
I can picture Nancy Pelosi and Steny Hoyer lying on a bean bag, listening to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon and watching The Little Mermaid, dreaming up domestic and foreign policy. “You know who those town hall protesters remind me of? Nazis, man. They’re freakin Nazis.” (Cough. Cough. Giggle. Giggle). “What if we give money to people to buy new cars and we smash their old cars?” “Dude, that’s totally awesome, because we just watched Dude, Where’s My Car?”
You’d be hard pressed to find any other rational explanation for a large group of people who discard decades of historical evidence, common sense, and basic moral decency other than massive amounts of reefer.
I think the whole Socialist, Communist, Nazi analogy is stretching it a bit. Michael Moore wishes he had the self discipline of a Joseph Goebbels. Nancy Pelosi wishes that she was as dynamic as a Heinrich Himmler. Barack Obama would love to have the focus of a Kim Jong Il, but man, it’s tough to stay on track when the Discovery Channel is running Shark Week and Doritos just unleashed that new buffalo wing sauce flavored tortilla chip. Have you guys tried those yet? They’re the bomb.
Conservatives are gearing up to do battle with an army of statist fascists, but we are really up against Cheech and Chong.
Obama is no Stalin, or even FDR. Face it, he’s Jeff Spicoli.
“It’s our time, Mr. Hand.” Hey, wasn’t that one of his campaign slogans?
Sadly for us, we live in a world where stoner nonsense is taken as gospel by the media and a large segment of the population. I think it’s fair to say that Obama captured the stoner vote in 2008, but few of us expected him to govern from inside a giant ganja cloud.
The best way to deal with stoners is to simply let them go about their business, but don’t trust them with anything important. Ever. My stoner roommate was a source of endless entertainment, but we were smart enough to never trust him to pay the cable bill. We need to get these Crunkensteins out of power as quickly as possible.
If we don’t, everything goes up in smoke.
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