America, Join the Obama Coup or Get Out of the Way

Dear America,

I hate you.

I hate you because you’re stupid, you’re bigoted and you’re dangerous.

I know that you’re stupid because you believe in an invisible man in the sky. Not only does that make you stupid, it makes you dangerous. After all, if you’re that easily led to believe in some invisible man in the sky then you might be led into believing in witches and you might burn people at the stake. I don’t care if you “cling” to your religion because you’re not as rich as I am, the fact that you cling to that stupidity makes you a threat to the utopia that would come if only there were no religion.

I know that you’re bigoted because you love America. I’m a citizen of the world, not xenophobic or nativist like you. I don’t believe in false borders falsely imposed on me by corporations and evil, white men seeking to exploit the world. Remember what my Messiah’s mentor said, it’s “white man’s greed that rules a world in need.” Why do you think America is better than any other nation? It’s only your bigotry and bigotry is evil. You’re evil. And you’re standing in the way of my utopia, the peace and prosperity that would come if only there were no countries.

And those of you in the military, you scare me most of all. You’re not just stupid and evil, you’re bloodthirsty. Why else would you want to kill your fellow citizens of the world? You’re Nazis. I’ve told you this before, many times before, any American who serves in the military is a Nazi. I hate your Islamophobia. I hate that you fought in the Vietnam War just because you hate the Yellow Man. Why does color mean so much to you? Why the antipathy for people who are different than you are?

And you people in Kansas, what’s the matter with you? Why are you so against socialism? It’ll be good for you. We’ll be taking money from rich people and giving it to you. You could take more vacations, buy a bigger screen TV. You scare me. Why don’t you want other peoples’ money? There’s something the matter with Kansas. You just don’t know what’s in your own best interest.

That’s why I support President Obama plans to take over America. Until you have given up your stupidity and your racism — your religion and your patriotism — you cannot be trusted with your freedom. And we’re not going to allow you to teach your hate to your children.

Please, America, join the Obama coup or just get out of the way. As President Obama said, America is no longer a Christian nation. We are all now citizens of the world. The time for your antiquated superstitions, for patriotism and faith, are gone!

Sincerely,

The Leadership of the Democrat Party

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