The Lambert Files: Middle America Once Again Proves Its Inability to Be Hip

The recent fracas at the American Music Awards is yet another reason why I am glad I don’t go in for the mutual admiration society gatherings known as awards shows.

American Idol runner up Adam Lambert, one of the performers during the live East Coast broadcast, shocked viewers with his “pelvic-thrust[ing] … four-minute, S&M-themed routine, taking time out from singing to grope a female dancer, kiss a male musician and, most shockingly, shove a male dancer’s face into his crotch, in an act that simulated fellatio.”

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Nothing like watching a little simulated fellatio to round out an evening with the family. Pass the popcorn!

Sources from the AMA claimed that those dance moves had not been part of the rehearsal, and the West Coast version of the show was edited to delete the scene. Now there’s the real scandal: trying to protect children who might be watching. If it’s good enough for the likes of the celebs in the AMA audience, it should be good enough for your 10 year old.

ABC received approximately 1,500 calls the next day from people complaining about what Lambert billed as ” a sexy song about seduction and power and I was just doing the lyrics justice.” The hicks who complained are probably the same people who did not see the poetic beauty in a “man eating, cannibalistic lesbian cheerleader.” How positively provincial. However, the plebes won and ABC also took the step of canceling Lambert’s “Good Morning America” performance. I suppose what Perez Hilton calls “c*** shock” would be a bit too much before breakfast.

Of course, Lambert was shocked in his turn that Americans would be anything but thrilled to see him in a lip lock with another guy as well as a man’s face in his crotch – according to the NY Post article linked above, he’s been “keen” to “push the boundaries” and “titillate audiences” ever since he came out of the closet. And after his AMA performance, he announced on his Twitter account: “All hail freedom of expression and artistic integrity.” Not a word about good taste.

Isn’t it amazing? Artistic integrity used to be guarded by the likes of Michaelangelo, Da Vinci, and Renoir, who wanted to delight the viewer with a tasteful but individual interpretation of the world. Now all that’s important is being offensive in the name of “freedom of expression.” We’ve certainly come a long way from Elvis’s hidden pelvic thrust on the Ed Sullivan show and parents complaining that the Fab Four’s hair was too long.

Lambert is whining that he didn’t “intend” to create controversy (BS Alert!), and it was somehow discriminatory to edit his performance when the likes of Madonna and other racy performances by women aren’t. I guess he wasn’t paying attention when NBC aired an edited version of Madonna’s concert in 2006. And how about the uproar after Janet Jackson’s so-called “wardrobe malfunction” while performing with Justin Timberlake during the Superbowl in 2004? (Side note: what IS the deal with Justin Timberlake? I can’t understand his appeal. He can’t sing and he reminds me of Screech on “Saved by the Bell.” Could someone please enlighten me?) Then there were the steamy kisses between Madonna and Britney Spears and Madonna and Christina Aguilera that had plenty of tongues wagging (and not just the ones onstage). Seems to me women catch plenty of flak when they flaunt their disdain for social mores on television.

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Besides, just think of the ratings.

But since Lambert is openly gay, we may not criticize or fret for fear of being labeled homophobes. We must rejoice with him in his newly public persona and embrace any outlandish behavior in which he engages onstage – or off – because he is expressing himself in the name of Art. What do we ordinary mortals understand about Art except what we are told by those who create it? They create not for us, but for themselves. We’re just lucky enough for the chance to stand by and respectfully admire.

And it’s important that Lambert shed the goody goody image portrayed on Idol, just as Britney Spears shed her Mickey Mouse Club, schoolgirl persona and Lindsay Lohan shed – well, just about any shred of dignity she ever had. Onstage and off, sex and smut are the currency du jour in the entertainment world, even if the public isn’t buying.

So quitcher bitchin’ and enjoy Lambert’s time in the sun while you can. If you think it’s creepy seeing a man’s face in his crotch now, imagine the same scene when Lambert’s in his 60s.

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