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Lonewolf Diaries: Sean Penn Sort of Cares About Haiti, Just Not That Much


Is Sean Penn doing some good work for Haiti? Yes. At some point, did he opt to advance his own Hollywood image in place of casting the widest relief net possible? Yes. Will he violently threaten those who question his motives in the name of “peace?” That’s a definite possibility. I liked him better when he was rattling his skull with a checkered slip-on.


For those of you who don’t know, Sean Penn has been “making the rounds” to keep the public awarene about Haiti. By “making the rounds” I mean scoring Hollywood elbow-bumping points by appearing on Tinseltown’s golden fanboy show… Larry King Live.

“One of the most important aspects of that will be that I’ve never asked to be on television before in my life, with the exception of unintelligible. I asked to be on your show today and you said yes. That’s what’s important, to keep the eye on Haiti. …The eyes of CNN and FoxNews and everybody else, the New York Times stays on this disaster…”

Reall,y Sean? The most important aspect of all of this is that you’ve asked to be on Larry King Live? I would have guessed food, water and infrastructure would top the list but hey, I’m a simp! No matter, as it seems to me that you want to raise public awareness in regards to the Haiti tragedy as much as possible. On the surface, that sounds noble enough. However, if that were the case, it seems that you would have “asked for the first time in your life” to be on one of the following…

1. The O’Reilly Factor (Often reaches nearly 9 times Larry King’s viewership with 3,348,000 viewers to LK’s 383,000)

2. Glenn Beck/Sean Hannity (over 6X Larry’s audience)

3. Fox Report W/Brett Baier ( over 5X)

4. Fox Report W/Shep Smith ( Nearly 5X)

5. On the Record with Greta ( 4.5X)

6. Fox&Friends ( over 2.5X)

As a matter of fact, if reaching the widest audience possible (ie: CHARITABLE DONORS) was your goal, “Tales from the Crypt with Larry King” wouldn’t have even cracked the top 10 list of programs on which you would choose to make your plea.

Of course, there’s also the fact that the center-right audience of FoxNews would statistically be more charitable, as well (according to extensive studies by both John Stossel and Arthur Brooks). But that’s neither here nor there… Not when your goal is to score PR points. Sure Sean, we know that you care. You just don’t seem to care enough to take some flack from your Hollywood buddies for appearing on those dreaded (and highest rated) cable news programs. Who can blame you? I hear George Clooney’s got a mean right-cross.

I know that you’ve appeared on Geraldo Rivera’s show. That’s cute. I’m also well aware of the fact that appearing on a show whose host you and your buddy Chavez have consistently slandered would require an actual pair of testicles. Considering that this is “beyond any devastation anyone has ever seen” however, one would expect you to sack up, put your personal political vendettas aside and do the right thing.

… Or you can always just ask Hugo to make the rounds on one of his shows. I hear he has an “in” with the networks over there.

… You punk.

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