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Daily Gut: Extinction Appreciated


So, according to scientists, conservationists have been pumping up the number of extinct species – and that a third of all missing critters in recent centuries are still alive and pooping.

According to one pointy-head, of the 187 mammal species that have been missing since the 1500’s, 67 species have been “rediscovered,” much like my underwear after a night of heavy drinking.

(Except they aren’t covered in whip cream.)


So I guess we should be relieved that these creatures are not really dead – those delightful Christmas Island Shrews, the Vaniforo Flying Foxes, and of course, Ryan Seacrest.

But not me.

Nope – to me this represents another false panic sold to the public, under the assumption that the world was in peril, and that we were at fault.

Conservationists have been pushing mass critter extinction and blaming it on mankind for ages – for there’s no easier way to make money than creating hysteria, and then asking you for help. I.e. cash.

So it raises the question: If conservationists asked for your dough to save the central rock rat – and now it turns out that the central rock rat is fine – do you get your money back? Especially when the central rock rat has its own show on Bravo? (See K. Griffin.)

But more important, since evolution is the only game in town, shouldn’t extinction be embraced? I mean, isn’t it part of the whole “survival of the fittest” thing? If you can’t hack it, you’re gone. It’s why we haven’t seen a dinosaur since the 1700’s. But unicorns flourish.

No matter – this is yet another example of environmental exaggeration that ends up undermining a real cause. Whether it’s the coming ice age or global warming – all these Chicken Littles just end up looking like asses – which is one mammal we will never run out of.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist, homophobic hodophobe.


Steven Schirripa!

Ann Coulter!

John Devore!

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