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Sarkozy Learns That Taking Candy From the French is a Bitch


So it’s a fracas in France, with protesters throwing stones and smashing windows. Oil workers and garbage men are striking, causing a shortage of fuel, but no shortage of trash.


Let’s go to a protester, teacher Lidwine Mure, to explain:

“It’s important to come out because France wouldn’t be what it is today if the generations that came before us hadn’t taken to the streets.”

And…what is France today?

It’s bankrupt, Lidwine.

And…what’s driving this heroic protest? Oppression? Fascism? Threat of war?

No – vacations. Really.

You know how folks in France enjoy not working for really long periods of time? Well, it turns out that, after a while – when you don’t work, you can no longer pay for stuff – like the pensions that allow you to loaf around.

The protesters are trying to stop a bill that would raise retirement age from 60 to 62. Yeah – 62 – still pretty much the youngest retirement age anywhere. But workers feel it’ll ruin a good time- including the long playful summers, subsidized health care, free berets and mime welfare.

So France is now rediscovering capitalism and fiscal conservatism, for they have seen the future and its name is Greece.

Hence this convulsive reaction by the public – which I’d like to think is simply because they’re French.

But I know better. This is what happens when you give something to someone, and then – in order to survive – try to take it away.

We were wrong: Taking candy from a baby is actually a bitch.

And only the truly ballsy can pull that off. Sarkozy – bless him – has more balls than a McDonald’s play pit.

But you don’t need Dionne Warwick to foresee America’s coming tantrum: just look to the land of French bread and hairy armpits.

Thankfully, I also see a Sarkozy marinating in Jersey. We’ll be needing him soon.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist homophobic francophobe.


Tucker Carlson

Paul Mecurio

and Jedediah Bila! (I luv writing that name)

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