If the real world was like a Hollywood movie, Julian Assange would step onto a rain-drenched sidewalk, insert the key into his Prius and be blown into several thousand pieces of blond Australian jerk. From their observation post high above on a building, a pair of sinister CIA assassins would smile as they squelch yet another voice of freedom.
Instead, the Wikileaks revelations and the pathetic aftermath demonstrate that far from being the omnipotent cadre of high-tech avengers, our leaders have apparently been reduced to hoping that the Swedes’ bizarre sex crime laws will do the dirty work for us. Capping this twerp might be a bit harsh, but it’s not unreasonable to expect that we be able to come up with some better options for dealing with Wikileaks than cancelling his credit cards and leaving the rest up to Sven and Inga.
For decades, Hollywood has depicted the US intelligence establishment as some sort of all-seeing, all-powerful collection of high-tech killers in expensive suits hunting down those who interfere with America’s imperialist designs. Hollywood has pushed the notion that our government officials are able to implement conspiracies of such ridiculous scope and audacity that they would embarrass a Truther – well, maybe not Hollywood Truther Charlie Sheen, who apparently doesn’t possess a shame gene. And the lefties seem to buy that image -a preeminent lefty sight has revealed that the Swedish sex charges were trumped up by a Uppsula University feminist gender equity officer in cahoots with Cuban freedom fighters and the CIA. The role of the Trilateral Commission is left unclear.
We wish we could pull that off! In reality, instead of weaving exquisite tapestries of deception or launching waves of vicious kill-bots, we have an Attorney General whose Plan A was offering a searing condemnation of Wikileaks as “arrogant, misguided and ultimately not helpful.” Wikileaks is “unhelpful” – shockingly, this harsh language somehow failed to deter Julian and Co. After that smashing success, the AG has initiated Plan B and is promising to possibly consider perhaps contemplating maybe reviewing a number of options designed to somehow do something of some sort. That is, if he’s not still preoccupied springing some New Black Panthers or failing to convince FIFA not to hold its 2022 shindigg in Qatar. Figuring out how to lose sponsoring a soccer tournament expecting thousands of Brit, German, French and Italian fans/hooligans to a part of the world that frowns on alcohol probably took all of his attention.
Where was the ruthlessly effective CIA the movies have been showing us since the 70’s when Assange was tossing around SECRET cables like confetti on New Years? It’s odd that instead of having his butt get Three Days of the Condor’ed, homeboy was off savoring the acclaim of every commie, lefty and pinko with an ISP until he got jammed up by the bobbies for violating Stockholm sex ordinances that sound like they were formulated by the Feminist Womym’s Collective of Antioch College.
Now, the Wikileak’d stuff is embarrassing, but we’ll live. It’s no real revelation that the potentates of the Middle East are soiling their thobes over the notion of a Persian Bomb, and the insight that North Korea is making mischief is about as newsworthy as a Lindsay Lohan relapse. The guy who stole the stuff while pretending to listen to Lady Gaga – you would think that a soldier cranking such unambitious, derivative crap would have drawn some attention by security officers and/or people with musical taste – will spend about the next half century sitting in Leavenworth reminiscing about his 15 minutes of fame back in ’10, assuming he’s found guilty. The flaws that led to him getting access to all those documents will be fixed.
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Moreover, the documents tend to show that American diplomats are actually doing their job, gathering information, analyzing current events in their areas of responsibility, and reporting them up the chain. These are good things. The Wikileakers and their moronic supporters are “stunned” by the “hypocrisy” of our emissaries saying one thing in public and other things privately. What a shock – our diplomats are actually diplomatic. If there is anything positive about this mess, it’s that it puts the spotlight on Americans who do the tough job handling our foreign relations, and who often do it without any recognition.
Oh, wait, our diplomats and our intelligence folks do get recognized by one bunch – the Hollywood crowd that paints them as cowards, connivers, murderers or worse (unless they are Valerie Plame, of course). The only thing that Hollywood enjoys vilifying more than a Christian or an employer is an American government official who actually tries to defend and protect our country. While Hollywood’s vision of America’s activities around the world are orders of magnitude more exciting than the mundane reality of the Wikileaks disclosures, at heart Hollywood and Assange share the same contempt for our country and those who serve it.
The fact that Julian Assange can sleep soundly in his cell knowing to a certainty that he’ll see the next dawn is a tribute both to the fact that he didn’t choose to screw with the Israelis – who don’t take his kind of crap – and to the fact that America’s defenders are nothing like the brutal clowns Hollywood loves to portray. If they were, Julian Assange wouldn’t be headed back to Sweden but to a shallow grave somewhere – in little pieces.