Two Biggest Disappointments of 2010

I started out trying to write a typical, end-of-year, best of list. I really did. I agonized for days over the best movies I had seen in 2010. But every time I had something I was sure of on my list, I realized that it really wasn’t that great after all. In fact, it was downright disappointing. My list grew shorter the more I considered the matter, until at last I was left staring at a blank page (this will come as little consolation, I know, to our esteemed editor Mr. Nolte, who was promised said piece in a timely manner.)

The problem, I decided, was two-fold. For one, I am a crank and a pessimist, and becoming more so with every passing hour it seems. And for another, we are living in era of chronic political, cultural, and creative decay of the kind that afflicts all empires in their twilight (Of course, I don’t have to tell you that the two are not unrelated, and that the latter is very much a proximate cause of the former).

So there we have it. I cannot give you a best of, because what I have seen this past year has been mostly dreck – occasionally tolerable dreck, but dreck just the same. So instead I shall give you the only honest list a pessimist can give, and that is my top letdowns of the year, the movies that were advertised as good, and should have been good…but weren’t. Shall we begin?

1) Iron Man 2: Oh boy, what a botched, senseless mess, made all the more unwatchable by the sublimity of the first outing of the franchise two years previous. The first Iron Man gave us – at last – a superhero fighting America’s enemies, blasting terrorists out of their Afghan caves with an archetypal American inventiveness. Robert Downey, Jr’s Tony Stark was part Batman, part Henry Ford – an American smart-ass cum bad-ass. Conflicted, sure, but a genius and wealthy and unashamed of both. On top of that, the film was sharply crafted, moved briskly, and contained fantastic performances by some great actors who took their movie very seriously, but still looked like they were having a blast.

It was so great, that when we were offered another helping, we salivated “Yes, please!” but instead were served an incomprehensible plot with a side of bad editing, and for dessert a villain who looked like he hadn’t read the script (he hadn’t). Everyone either gave the impression that they were trying too hard or couldn’t care less – often at the same time, which is quite a hat trick when you think about it.

Please, Marvel, and everyone making superhero movies – story, story, story.

2) Black Swan: This movie, a coal-black tale about a ballerina’s descent into madness and murder by director Darren Aronofsky, seemed to have everything going for it. Visionary filmmaker? Check. Sky high reviews? Check. Two hot chicks making out? Check and check.

Black Swan has been compared to a lot of movies, especially Susperia, The Red Shoes, and Repulsion, all of them classics and all of them far superior to this tripe. Put it this way, the only thing Aronofsky seems interested in is filming Natalie Portman masturbate and engage in possible hallucinatory sapphism; he certainly ignores everything else. And while you may say fine, that is a noble goal in and of itself (then again, you may not), let me just say the the two young women are so emaciated that the scene contains all the eroticism of two broomsticks going at it. It is undoubtedly a sign of advancing years to watch such a scene and think “Someone get that poor girl a sandwich!” but, there you go.

So these are the two movies that disappointed me most this year. I’ll now say goodbye to you, my Big Hollywood readers, and wish you a very Happy New Year. I look forward to sharing my disappointments with you in 2011.

I know you’d be disappointed if I didn’t.