Even in the 1960s, the concept for “Bewitched” was impossibly lame. No one, and I mean no one, tuned in to watch the concept. They tuned in to watch Elizabeth Montgomery and Agnes Moorehead — who cannot be replaced.
We were told Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell were the biggest stars on the planet when the 2005 “Bewitched” screen adaptation flopped in every way imaginable. Was no one paying attention?
THE best film franchise currently in production is the ongoing story of “Alice’s” quest against the Umbrella Corporation in a post-apocalyptic world filled with flesh-eating zombies. Unpretentious, filled with action, and starring the tough, sexy and smart Milla Jovovich (who oozes badass without being strident) — with the exception of a “Death Wish 1-5,” I can think of no better way to spend a rainy Saturday afternoon than sitting down for a “Resident Evil 1-4” marathon.
So bring on “Resident Evil: Retribution.” If you think about it, B-movies really are the only decent storytelling coming out of the film industry these days — that is, if you long for simple but satisfying plots and therefore a real bang for your movie-going buck. I’ll take “Resident Evil,” “Piranha 3D,” “Fast and Furious,” and the like, over most anything else these days.
–USA TODAY: “WHO SHOULD REPLACE PATRICK SWAYZE IN ‘DIRTY DANCING’ REMAKE?”—
Wrong question. The right question is: Who COULD replace Swayze, and the answer is NO ONE.
Stop it Hollywood, before you hurt yourself.
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LAST NIGHT’S SCREENING
There is simply no more satisfying television than watching the liberal media melt into puddles of disappointment when the Left loses a big election — and lose big they did in Wisconsin last night. I was up till two in the morning basking in the glory of my home state’s truly awful public union class suffering yet another defeat. Everything these spoiled, entitled crybabies have put the Dairy State through this past year ended up being worth it — because they lost EVERY SINGLE ATTEMPT to muscle, bully, cheat, and whine away Governor Scott Walker’s mandate.
Every time a hippie cries an angel gets his wings.
Suck on it, losers.
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TODAY’S QUICK HITS
TYLER PERRY GETS A CABLE CHANNEL OF HIS OWN?
DIDN’T I JUST SAY, NO ONE CARES?
TOP 25 GREATEST MOVIE PEP TALKS OF ALL TIME
TOP 40 MOST SHAMEFUL ACTOR MONEY-GRABS IN HISTORY
“DARK KNIGHT’S” CATWOMAN A BITTER EX-STRIPPER?
“WORLD WAR Z” SET FOR DECEMBER 2012 RELEASE?
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CLASSIC PICK FOR THURSDAY AUGUST 11, 2011
TCM:
1:15 AM EST: Last Picture Show, The (1971) — Changing times take their toll on high schoolers growing up in a small Western town. Dir: Peter Bogdanovich Cast: Timothy Bottoms, Jeff Bridges, Cybill Shepherd. BW-126 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format.
A truly remarkable film in every conceivable away with two Oscar-winning performances courtesy of Ben Johnson and Cloris Leachman — who are so moving and poignant in their closing scenes they haunt you for days afterward.
TCM’s timing is perfect, as well. Polly Platt, who died just last month at 72, is responsible for the film’s incredible production design. She was married to the film’s director, Peter Bogdanovich, at the time, and his marriage-ending fling with star Cybill Shepherd during production is now the stuff of Hollywood legend. Platt’s talent and personal class ensured her a long career, though, including an Oscar nomination for 1983’s “Terms of Endearment.” Bogdanovich, however, would soon crash, burn, and never recover (including his under-appreciated 1990 “Picture Show” sequel “Texasville“).
Even though the personal stories behind this arguable masterpiece are endlessly fascinating, they can’t overshadow the work. Before or since, there’s never been another film like it.
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