Mark Boal: Hollywood's Go-To Hack for All Things Pseudo-Military

FADE IN:

INT. HOLLYWOOD STUDIO CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

“Hurt Locker” scribe MARK BOAL slams his mighty fist down hard on the conference room table, making the HOLLYWOOD EXECUTIVES surrounding him jump in their leather seats.

MARK BOAL

Now listen up. I don’t care about your liberal preconceptions and your smug certainty that you’re somehow better than those men and women out there in Afghanistan and Iraq just because you work in the movie industry and they actually work!

EXECUTIVE NO. 1

But, but…

MARK BOAL (pointing an accusing finger)

Put a sock in it, meat puppet! You want to use those American heroes as a backdrop for some politician’s reelection campaign? Well, you can take my Oscar and stick it in your Fonda-hole! I’m not having any part of it!

Ed. Note: We now pause for a photo of sensitive, introspective hipster Boal:

Big Hollywood has been all over the story of screenwriter Mark Boal’s collaboration with the Obama campaign’s usurpation of the work of our SEALs and other covert warriors in hunting down Osama bin Laden. It’s outrageous – you know you’ve crossed a line in the sand of decency when even Jurassic liberal-saur Maureen Dowd seems creeped out by your shameless SEALS-ploitation.

As Big Hollywood has pointed out before, Boal is Hollywood’s go-to guy for sending the leftist message du jour about our troops. When President Bush was in office and the party line was that fighting terrorists was a bad thing, Boal was there with In the Valley of Elah (2007). That one painted our soldiers as hideous psychopaths driven crazy by the war, so nuts and evil they murdered one of their own because of, well, Bush or something.

But always one to be surfing the liberal zeitgeist, Boal caught the wave of supporting our troops with The Hurt Locker. His script was superficially sympathetic to our warriors, but when you got past Kathryn Bigelow’s well-staged action scenes, all you had was an over-wrought fantasy that depicted our fearless bomb disposal troopers as unstable, undisciplined clowns. The guy who claims Boal used him as material was not impressed either; he sued.

Not surprisingly, reinforcing Hollywood’s stereotypes about military people as alien, scary freaks, got Boal an Oscar.

Afterward, Boal went back to reporting and writing anti-soldier hit pieces like The Kill Team: How U.S. Soldiers in Afghanistan Murdered Innocent Civilians for that Tiger Beat of the sagging baby boomer set, Rolling Stone magazine. His laughable reporting drew a forceful rejoinder from the legendary Michael Yon (Calling BULLSHIT on ‘Rolling Stone’).

Yon is the real deal and trusted by the troops. Yon’s column points out distortions and omissions in Boal’s reportage. As a reporter, when you get the small things wrong, it’s no surprise when your big picture conclusions are just as flawed. Not that the liberals whose prejudices his writing studiously reinforce care much about accuracy, but maybe Boal would be better off learning a little more about the organization he purports to write about and spending a little less effort cultivating the neo-hipster, tousled-hair-and-goatee look he’s been rocking in all those paparazzi pics.

Now comes a chance to work hand-in-hand with the Obama campaign to create a movie about the hunt for Osama bin Laden. Apparently, the hunt for Saddam Hussein was of no interest (or use) to Boal, it having taken place under the wrong president.

What are the chances that Boal won’t come through with what the liberal establishment wants? About zero – he’s never let them down before. With an October 12, 2012, release date, this is a transparent attempt to distract attention from the utter disaster the Administration’s ultra-liberals policies have inflicted upon the economy. Boal, along with director Bigelow and the Obama-backing Sony studio, are eager to help. Dollars to doughnuts, the focus of this tribute won’t be the men and women who risked their lives but the candidate who made the “gutsy call” that anyone else would have made too.

But then, Boal has made a career of meeting liberal expectations within his little niche as the Hollywood hipster who always writes just what his bosses want to hear about the military.

Boal rises from his chair and takes his Oscar in hand.

MARK BOAL

You make me sick. I’m done with you. I’m walking out of here and down to a Supercuts to get a high and tight and to get rid of this stupid hipster goatee.

EXECUTIVE NO. 1

Come back! What will we do when we need someone to write another script pretending to support the troops while actually depicting them as psycho losers and mindless stooges of the Bu$hitler-Haliburton wars for oil?

MARK BOAL

It shouldn’t be hard to find someone else like that here in Hollywood. After all, when you’re looking for a turd, what better place to look than a toilet?

Boal takes the OBAMA ’12 button off his jacket and tosses it on the table, then storms out the door and into the sunset. The button spins on the wood surface…..

FADE OUT.

Sadly, all characters appearing in this work are fictitious, and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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