To recap: because he was told to wait until take off to use the bathroom, actor Gerard Depardieu whipped it out and urinated on the floor in front of everyone. The plane was forced to return to the gate and a couple of unlucky members of the grounds crew spent two hours cleaning up the mess. Try to imagine being on that plane at the time, a sealed plane where odors never die. Upon hearing this story, my first thought was that the actor should’ve either been thrown in jail or had his butt kicked gang initiation-style by his fellow passengers. But now I’ve seen the light.
Writing in The Wrap, Richard Stellar puts it all in the proper perspective. Depardieu isn’t a pig, he’s a Freedom Fighter against The Man, the awful corporations who make these silly rules and — gasp! — dare to sell alcohol to the weak-willed:
Gerard Depardieu is my new hero.
I equate him with the lone demonstrator who faced down a squadron of Chinese Type 59 armed tanks in Tiananmen Square, holding nothing but an empty shopping bag. (Editor’s note: For those of you who missed it, the actor was thrown off an Air France flight from Paris to Dublin for urniating outside the confines of the restroom.)
Depardieu, in his own way, faced down the culture of corporate greed and control, holding something much more symbolic than an empty shopping bag, albeit equally vacant and non-threatening.
Depardieu’s urgent need to relieve himself is metaphoric to the basic rights and privileges that are denied to many of us.
It doesn’t matter if it’s an international airline, a media conglomerate, or the United States Government — the basic needs that we pay taxes for are circumvented, denied, and so wrapped in red tape that they have become invisibly impenetrable and unattainable.
Depardieu’s condition was in part a result of the need for transportation conglomerates and municipal airports to up-sell traveler’s on products and services that have no place in public transportation hubs.
There is no need to serve alcohol on a plane or in an airport.
Yet, it is done en masse, and when the results arise from this commerce, they look the other way.
Whether your distress culminates in a drunken and disorderly confrontation with a hormonally challenged flight attendant, or you just have to take a piss … like, now — the airline will disavow any responsibility for your condition.
Kidding aside, I’m assuming this is satire.
Right?
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