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Daily Call Sheet: Why 'John Carter' Flopped and Another Festival No One Cares About

Daily Call Sheet: Why 'John Carter' Flopped and Another Festival No One Cares About

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JASON SEGEL STARS AS SLACKER JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME

Nothing will make me happier than with this trend of inane, lazy, slacker man-boy comedies come to an end. I can already see this movie and picture the gross-out stuff that will make me cringe. Episodic, tired, and unimaginative.

The thing is, though, you can produce them for $30 million and make an easy profit after DVD sales. So they’re like a plague that will never go away because the environment is too perfect.

SEQUEL TO ‘THE RAID’ RECEIVES THE GREEN LIGHT

Like “Electric Boogaloo 2,” I was completely unaware there was ever a first one.         

‘JOHN CARTER’: HOW BIG A BOMB IS IT?

Unless it’s a left-wing piece of propaganda aimed at our kids or used to undermine our country, I take no pleasure in seeing films flop. I do, however, look for the bright side and what I’m hoping is happening here is that moviegoers are starting to reject outright these FX-laden tent-poles that you can tell from the trailer have no real story.

“Hugo” and “The Adventures of Tintin” gave off the exact same hollow vibe and Americans stayed away in droves.

Fair or not, “John Carter” came off as just another numbing experience at the movies where you spend a couple of hours feeling as though you’re watching someone else play a video game.

Enough of this already.

FARK STRIKES BACK

By the way, I love Fark. Even when they rip us, which is quite frequent, they make me laugh. Unlike other snark sites like Gawker, Fark is actually clever and unafraid to rip a sacred leftist cow now and again. And their endless ability to come up with horse-themed headlines for Sarah Jessica Parker is borders on sublime.

HEY, LOOK! ANOTHER FILM FESTIVAL NO ONE CARES ABOUT

SXSW will run about 90,000 films, three of which you might catch a glimpse of while channel-surfing.

The infrastructure Hollywood’s set up in order to create and celebrate content produced only for themselves is pretty extraordinary. I don’t know of any other business that can spend so much money, energy, and time on that which has nothing to do with the customers.

I love movies; I adore them. But I’d prefer to be waterboarded than attend one of these festivals. Can you imagine having to pay money and eat up precious moments of your life living in the Sundance Channel?

MARK WAHLBERG DISCUSSES POTENTIAL SEQUEL TO ‘THE FIGHTER

Yes!

 Listen, I liked the first one just fine, but the real story of Micky Ward is his trilogy of fights with the late-great Arturo Gatti.

Okay, now we know Ward stood up to his family, became his own man, and got the girl. Whatever. Now I want to see the story of how these two incredible MEN became legends.

JON HAMM GETS TWITTER FEEDBACK FROM ‘IDIOT’ KIM KARDASHIAN

I haven’t read this story. I’m worried it won’t live up to the awesome headline.

‘MAD MEN’ TRAILER: THE RETURN OF DON DRAPER

Great show. No really — a great, great show. But I’m not going to subscribe to a bigger bundled cable package in order to see this new season or the last season. I’m going to wait for Netflix Streaming. I can wait. I can. There’s plenty available for me to watch in the meantime.

Bundled cable is the devil and un-American.

Fight the power.

Spread the word.

‘GAME OF THRONES’ TRAILER SHOWS OFF NEW ROMANCES

Season two premieres April 2.

My review of season one is here.

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LAST NIGHT’S SCREENING

New “Muppet” movie. Review a-coming.

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SCOTTDS’ EPIC LINKTACULAR

QUESTIONABLE TREK – VOL. 4″ – ANDREW PRICE AND SCOTTDS DISCUSS THE CHARACTER OF LT. CMDR. DATA

‘THE DARK TOWER’ MAY RISE AT WARNERS

R.I.P. “STAR WARS” ILLUSTRATOR RALPH MCQUARRIE

BRAVEHEART’ HERO WALLACE SET FOR TV BIOPIC

R.I.P. CONCEPT ARTIST AND ILLUSTRATOR JEAN “MOEBIUS” GIRAUD

R.I.P. SONGWRITER ROBERT SHERMAN

PAXTON AND COSTNER! TRAILER FOR HISTORY CHANNEL’S “HATFIELDS & MCCOYS”

NEW SERVICE CALLED TUGG HELPS AUDIENCES DEMAND AND BOOK THEIR OWN MOVIE SCREENINGS

“SPARTACUS” ACTOR JAI COURTNEY CAST AS JOHN MCCLANE’S SON FOR THE NEXT “DIE HARD”

DISNEY’S MATTERHORN GETTING THE BIG SCREEN TREATMENT?

RUMORED ‘IRON MAN 3′ PLOT DETAILS HINT AT ‘EXTREMIS’ STORYLINE

“BREAKING BAD” CONTRIBUTES ITEMS FOR AUCTION BENEFITING LEUKEMIA SOCIETY

“SHAME” SCREENING PROMPTS “DEN OF SIN” CAMPAIGN IN SOUTH CAROLINA

BATTLESHIP’ TRAILER – WHO NEEDS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT WHEN YOU HAVE EXPLOSIONS?

5 REASONS “STAR WARS” SEQUELS WOULD BE WORSE THAN THE PREQUELS

13 TV SERIES THAT (LOVINGLY) RIPPED OFF “THE X-FILES”

 A LOOK AT RALPH MCQUARRIE’S CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE UNFILMED FIRST “STAR TREK” FILM

 “DAY OF THE LOCUST” AND MOVIES THAT ARE TOO BIG TO FAIL

PJ MEDIA: REMEMBERING 1993’S “FALLING DOWN”

DECONSTRUCTING THE TITLE SEQUENCE OF “THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO”

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CLASSIC PICK FOR WEDNESDAY,  MARCH 14

TCM:

10:15 PM EST: On The Waterfront (1954) — A young stevedore takes on the mobster who rules the docks. Dir: Elia Kazan Cast:  Marlon Brando, Karl Malden, Lee J. Cobb. BW-108 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format

Legendary director Elia Kazan makes the case for why you sometimes have to name names, for why it’s sometimes necessary to pay the price of being an outcast among your own in order to point to evil and corruption and speak its name.

Hollywood masturbates over HUAC about four times a year and, other than Woody Allen’s hilarious “The Front,”  most of the films surrounding that era are preachy, dreary, and self-serving (“Guilty By Suspicion,” “Good Night, and Good Luck,”  “The Majestic”). The one true masterpiece about that era is “On the Waterfront,” and it takes to the complete opposite view.

Yes, the blacklist was wrong — dead wrong. But naming the names of America’s enemies … not so much.

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