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‘Fifty Shades’ of Box Office: Feminists Whipped & Sodomized Over Valentine’s Day Weekend

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In enlightened, progressive, left-wing Hollywood, women currently hold more power than they ever have. And yet, according to this weekend’s box office, the Cineplex is more of man’s world than at any time in recent memory.

Long gone are the terrible days when — in picture after picture that portrayed them as  strong, classy, independent and intelligent women perfectly capable of handling their onscreen male counterparts — those awful right-wing, white, male studio owners created living, breathing goddesses of Barbara Stanwyck, Judy Garland, Rita Hayworth, Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Katherine Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor, Marlene Dietrich, Greta Garbo, Claudette Colbert, Mae West, Lauren Bacall, Sophia Loren, Jean Harlow, and Carole Lombard.

Thank Gaia, the conservative patriarchy is dead.

Now that left-wing feminists can get a movie greenlit, we get “Fifty Shades of Grey” and its literal doormat of a protagonist, Anastasia Steele. We get a movie about a woman who completely gives up her life and identity to –wait for it, wait for it — a man. But not just any man, a man who stalks and emotionally manipulates her until she consents to his physical abuse.

Better still, this movie — created, written, and directed by women — is a piece of Orwellian feminist horseshit that dresses up male control as romance and agreeing to be abused and dominated as feminist empowerment.

The result…? Record box office, baby. The chicks are eating it up and the terrible men who love to treat them like disposable sex toys could not be more delighted … or empowered.

“Fifty Shades of Grey” is currently poised to enjoy the top R-rated opening weekend of all time.  In 2003, “Matrix Reloaded” — a film that actually did manage to combine an S&M motif with a story that empowered women — grossed $91.2 million over 3 days. In 4 days, “Fifty Shades” is on track to either beat or come romantically close to that record.

Most intriguing is the fact that it is not Terrible Men Who Treat Women Like Meat flocking to “Fifty Shades” (they got Internet porn). Ticket buyers appear to be 80% women, who are undoubtedly dragging the boyfriend along, presumably as punishment for treating her with too much respect.

The only hope for our civilization is the terrible C+ “Fifty Shades” earned from audiences, according to Cinemascore.

In the man-man’s world that is this weekend’s box office, coming in at number two is “KIngsMAN: The Secret Service,” a terrific comedy-action thriller about men saving the world and ultimately being rewarded by an imprisoned blond princess who suggests they “do it in the asshole.”

That’s not a joke. That really happens.

“KingsMAN” should gross close to $40 million over the four-day weekend.

Well done, left-wing, enlightened, progressive, feminist-friendly Hollywood — from “You complete me,” to  “You can beat and sodomize me,” in less than 20 years.

You’ve come a long way, baby.

P.S. If there is still anyone out there like myself, people who still find strong female characters appealing, a white male Republican directed this movie called “American Sniper,” and gave Sienna Miller a part Barbara Stanwyck would have killed for. 

Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC               


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