Oh, the spirit 0f giving is in the air—
With that thought we take a sneek peek under the tree of those who lead this great nation through perilous times—–gifts deserved, gifts needed.
JANET NAPALITANO– Binoculars. High powered. Aimed at the Arizona border. If you see something, say something.
JOHN BOEHNER– A pack of Marlboros and 2 hours in a tanning bed of your choice (you’ll have to pay the new health care taxes.)
THE TEA PARTY– You have everything you need, just keep it up.
ACTIVIST OLD MEDIA– You have everything you need, just keep it up. You will be irrelevant soon and you will be the last to know.
ED SCHULTZ– A chill pill.
CHRIS MATTHEWS– A warm jacket and long johns, you keep getting chills.
KEITH OLBERMANN– Friends.
RACHEL MADDOW– Viewers. Seriously, look at your lead in programming.
DENNIS MILLER– More dates on O’Reilly, must see TV. More dates at the Orleans in Vegas, must see comedy.
RUSH LIMBAUGH– An I-Phone ap free of government regulation, plus, a new hybrid 3 wood. I love mine.
HILARY CLINTON– Bill’s real itinerary.
BILL CLINTON– Hillary’s real itinerary.
JOHN EDWARDS– A lump of coal.
AL GORE– 6 more months of winter.
MICHAEL MOORE– 6 months in a Cuban fat camp (wait… just spend 6 months in Cuba with the locals, that should take care of it.) Also, if there’s room, take Big Eddie with ya. He’d love Cuba.
JULLIAN ASSANGE– A pack of Trojans (small)
NANCY PELOSI– Airplane tickets. Commercial flights, coach class.
HARRY REID– A big poster for your office with the names of the 21 Democrat and two Independent Senators up for re-election in 2012. You’ll need their names; they won’t return your calls.
SARAH PALIN– More ammo. Lock ‘n load!
MITT ROMNEY-Street cred’ with the Tea Party. Get that, and you’re in.
MARCO RUBIO– A VP nod. Get that and we’re all in!
ANDREW BREITBART– More Big sites.
NEW REPUBLICAN CONGRESS– A long and vivid memory. Remember 1994 and don’t let it happen again.
RAHM EMANUEL– More dead voters, you’ll be fine.
JOE BIDEN– The same thing the Scarecrow asked for.
[youtube Muzzle Joe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvuaIU0ZQZs&feature=player_embedded#!]
BARACK OBAMA– A carton of Marlboros (open when Michelle is not watching) and a copy of the Constitution, courtesy the Tea Party. Understand its meaning this time. Learn it, love it, live it—you did take an Oath.
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE– Another date with destiny. November 6, 2012.