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Christmas Presents for One and All

Oh, the spirit 0f giving is in the air—

With that thought we take a sneek peek under the tree of those who lead this great nation through perilous times—–gifts deserved, gifts needed.

JANET NAPALITANO- Binoculars. High powered. Aimed at the Arizona border. If you see something, say something.

Rep. John Boehner (R-OH)- A pack of Marlboros and 2 hours in a tanning bed of your choice (you’ll have to pay the new health care taxes.)

THE TEA PARTY- You have everything you need, just keep it up.

ACTIVIST OLD MEDIA- You have everything you need, just keep it up. You will be irrelevant soon and you will be the last to know.

ED SCHULTZ- A chill pill.

CHRIS MATTHEWS- A warm jacket and long johns, you keep getting chills.


RACHEL MADDOW- Viewers. Seriously, look at your lead in programming.

DENNIS MILLER- More dates on O’Reilly, must see TV. More dates at the Orleans in Vegas, must see comedy.

RUSH LIMBAUGH- An I-Phone ap free of government regulation, plus, a new hybrid 3 wood. I love mine.

HILARY CLINTON- Bill’s real itinerary.

BILL CLINTON- Hillary’s real itinerary.

JOHN EDWARDS- A lump of coal.

AL GORE- 6 more months of winter.

MICHAEL MOORE- 6 months in a Cuban fat camp (wait… just spend 6 months in Cuba with the locals, that should take care of it.) Also, if there’s room, take Big Eddie with ya. He’d love Cuba.

JULLIAN ASSANGE- A pack of Trojans (small)

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)- Airplane tickets. Commercial flights, coach class.

Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV)- A big poster for your office with the names of the 21 Democrat and two Independent Senators up for re-election in 2012. You’ll need their names; they won’t return your calls.

SARAH PALIN- More ammo. Lock ‘n load!

MITT ROMNEY-Street cred’ with the Tea Party. Get that, and you’re in.

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)- A VP nod. Get that and we’re all in!


NEW REPUBLICAN CONGRESS- A long and vivid memory. Remember 1994 and don’t let it happen again.

RAHM EMANUEL- More dead voters, you’ll be fine.

JOE BIDEN- The same thing the Scarecrow asked for.

[youtube Muzzle Joe!]

BARACK OBAMA- A carton of Marlboros (open when Michelle is not watching) and a copy of the Constitution, courtesy the Tea Party. Understand its meaning this time. Learn it, love it, live it—you did take an Oath.

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE- Another date with destiny. November 6, 2012.

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