I know the media is objective and netural…

…because neutral and objective people always go into Mobile Gundam Force Spazz Mode to rehabilitate a bumbling imbecile who humiliated himself on national television.

 My general rules:

The more strenuously the media insists “There’s no story,” the more convinced I am there’s a story.

The more spasmodically they scream “Nothing at all happened here,” the more sure I am that something did indeed happen.