NEW HAVEN, Conn. (WTNH) – Known for shaping some of the most promising young minds in the country, Yale University now finds itself at the center of an unspeakable crime spree.
Yale junior Staci Cummins composed herself long enough to describe the events rattling the Ivy League campus: “Apparently, somebody has been pooping in the laundry in a couple of the colleges.” The student newspaper confirmed the existence of a suspect who’s now being called the “poopetrator.” In fact, in an attempt to put the student body’s collective mind at ease, The Master of Saybrook College sent out an email informing students he was getting Yale Security and Police involved in trying to flush out the suspect.
According to the Yale Daily News, at least three students have been victimized. One woman said her clothes were ruined beyond repair. Nerves are frayed but students are now taking matters into their own hands, literally. A local news team has been emailing with one of the victims who says she literally picked up the excrement from the dryer in a paper towel and took it to the College Master’s office to make sure her cries for help were properly addressed.
Some students are taking shifts at night watching laundry rooms all over campus. “Now people are standing watch in the laundry room, so it’s been kind of a campus wide phenomenon at this point,” said one student. “But hopefully one day they catch the person”
Until then, the poopetrator remains at large.