So, I finally checked out Gravity. You know, the movie that either has people saying “This changed my whole life” or “I’d rather get stuck in space than watch that again.”
1) Clooney exited way too early. And wears a space suit well. The dude would still have me at hello if facing impending death in nothingness.
2) I could’ve saved twenty-five bucks, had a prolonged anxiety attack on my couch for almost two hours, and likely been left with the same emotions.
3) I’ve never liked space and now I know why.
4) I’ve never liked silence and now I know why.
5) Sandra Bullock can carry a film all by herself. No, really, she can.
6) The sound of someone gasping for air for an hour and a half can–and should–drive you absolutely insane.
7) You shouldn’t need a movie like this to make you stay up all night contemplating the meaning of life. If you do, you need to spend more time with my friends on the Lower East Side.
8) Thor previews are a menace. I spent the first half of Gravity fantasizing about a dude’s multi-functional hammer.
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