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Bila Thanksgivings

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Oh, Thanksgiving. The memories. Never a dull moment.

My top 5 over the years…

5) The year my friend and her boyfriend got into a giant fight and I ate my turkey in her bedroom closet with her Chihuahua, sitting on the floor in the dark, to the background sound of shattering dishes and Tori Amos tunes.

4) The year I got food poisoning and spent the night in the ER with my best friend and the hottest doctor I’d seen in my life. Of all nights to be puking like a scene from The Exorcist.

3) The year I got stuck in an elevator for two hours with my ex-boyfriend on the way up to a house party. As it turns out, therapy had turned him into a “problem-solver.” I ate an entire apple pie and cursed psychoanalysis for weeks.

2) The year I almost accidentally set fire to a rental condo in Massachusetts. I also blew up the potatoes, slipped on cranberry sauce and busted my knee, and spent most of the after-hours trying to convince my friend’s drugged boyfriend that no, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer was not outside waiting to take him for a ride.

1) The year everyone who had nothing to do showed up at my apartment. There was no turkey, but my 90-year-old grandmother, a drag queen, an ex-Broadway dancer, a personal trainer, a Smurf collector (that dude was one for the books), and my parents had some fascinating conversation. Someone sang “It’s Raining Men.” She wore my shoes.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. xo

Jedediah Bila is co-host of “Outnumbered” on Fox News at 12pm ET. She is an author, columnist, and Fox News Contributor. Follow Jedediah on Twitter@JedediahBila. 


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