The L.A. Weekly has published 10 rules of etiquette for the many outdoor movie screenings the city offers throughout the summer. The rules really, though, offer an amusing peek at the warped values of leftists: Drugs, sex, and talking are all approved. Babies, however, are verboten.
Rule numero uno is “don’t care about the movie.” The reasoning is that you won’t be able to truly enjoy the movie because people will be talking out loud throughout the screening. This is a social event, the L.A. Weekly announces, and “nobody likes a shusher.”
Rule number 6 is go ahead and “make out as much as you please” and “prudes who can’t deal should be focusing on the flick.” Things might have changed some during my high school years, but I remember “making out” have a fairly broad definition that included the kind of behavior you can be arrested for.
Rule number 7 is, “Yes to weed, as long as its edible.”
Rule number 9, though, is “no babies. Not even cue little babies.” If you are wondering why, the L.A. Weekly informs “for the same reasons as above” which is where you are told not to bring a … dog:
If you can’t 100% swear that Bowser won’t be so overstimulated by the smell of pre-sliced salami and squirrels that she launches into a barking fit or dashes across the field tipping over bottles of iced tea, leave her at home. As much as your friends assure you that they really don’t mind if she comes, they kind of do.
In summation, the L.A. Weekly is absolutely okay with you getting high, enjoying some level of public sex, and talking out loud during an outdoor movie screening. But…
Don’t bring a baby because of the possibility Junior might become over-stimulated by the smell of salami.
You see, that might offend someone.
Smoking a cigarette is also frowned upon. A smoking baby would probably result in you being pelted with half-eaten pot brownies, used condoms, and those Livestrong bracelets the crowd has been trying to figure out how to recycle.
Leftists — if they weren’t real, we’d have to make them up.