Israeli Man Seeks Restraining Order Against God Over ‘Mean Treatment’

TEL AVIV – An Israeli man has petitioned a court for a restraining order against God, citing three years of mistreatment at the hands of the Almighty.

The unidentified man told the Haifa Magistrate’s Court that the Lord had “behaved very meanly” to him for the past three years, and that his repeated complaints to the police were not being taken seriously. He further lamented that his requests to send patrol cars were only granted on ten occasions.

The courtroom noted that the defendant, God, did not turn up for the session. However, the court did not specify how it determined that the Omnipresent was indeed absent from the session and if he wasn’t just exercising His right to remain silent.

The petition did not specify what kind of ungodly treatment the Almighty enacted on the man over the past few years.

In any case, Judge Ahsan Canaan denied the request, which he called delusional. He added that the petitioner didn’t need help from the court, he needed help from other places.

So far there has been no comment from the advocates of the defendant. Orthodox political parties in the Knesset, ministering angels and even the Chief Rabbi of Israel have maintained a policy of silence on the case.