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Vote Remain to Make Piers Morgan More Smug And Goldman Sachs More Disgustingly Rich

Piers Morgan wants Britain to Remain in the European Union. So does Goldman Sachs.

If there are two better reasons for voting Leave in the referendum, I’m hard pushed to think of them.

Morgan was on breakfast TV this morning deploying his favoured rapid-fire bluster-bully interview technique on pro-Brexit MP Dominic Raab. Raab was trying to make the factually correct point that under EU law Britain is not allowed to deport criminals (not rapists, not murderers…) back to EU member states. Morgan wouldn’t let him get a word in. It’s an effective way of closing down arguments you don’t like because it throws your interviewee off the points he wants to make and needles him into looking shifty, evasive and angry. It’s also very unfair. But of course, anyone complaining that it’s unfair is left looking whiney and needy, like they don’t understand that politics is a rough game, like they’re not up to the job.

Think of Piers Morgan’s smug expression on the day it is announced that Remain have won by a whisker. Now imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever. Note how there’s absolutely no difference in how awful it makes you feel. What are you going to do about it?

Then again, when it comes to round, unvarnished evil I’m not sure that even the copper-bottomed, ocean-going Onanist that is Piers Morgan can compete with Goldman Sachs – aka the Vampire Squid.

Today, the Vampire Squid has issued the latest in a series of dire warnings, this time assuring us that Brexit will “not only hit UK equities hard” but will hit German and French firms even worse.

… the DAX and CAC are very negatively correlated to UK policy risks. The direct sales exposures to the UK are shown in Exhibit 10 for the DAX and CAC 40 companies in aggregate.

For the DAX, the exposure is not immaterial, it is notable that DAX exposure to the UK is very similar to its exposure to China, and of course if sterling falls, this would mean German and French companies would be less competitive with their UK counterparts as well as potentially suffering in terms of weaker UK domestic demand for their UK-based sales.

Well, dur. If sterling falls then of course UK exporters are going to become more competitive, and of course continental rivals like the Hun and the Frog are going to become less competitive. That’s how economics works.

But, of course, Goldman Sachs didn’t really issue that note in order to state the bleeding obvious that currency fluctuations affect trade balances. It did so because it has bet massively on a Remain win (probably while investing half its clients’ money the other way, just as a hedge) and is deploying every weapon in its armoury to make sure it doesn’t lose out.

So that’s your dual purpose mission for June 23, my friends. 1. Wipe the smile off that hairy-palmed tosser Morgan’s porky schoolboy face. 2. Send Goldman Sachs the way of Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers.

Have there ever in the history of competitions been two prizes sweeter than this?

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