Big Papi Sets Record for Slowest Home Run Trot

In Sports Center America, it’s all about the home run. At Tator Trot Track, it’s all about the slow gallop around the bases.

Yes, stats-obsessed baseball nerds created a site aimed at tracking the pace of home-run hitters as they round the bases. Do they embark upon a respectful sprint? Or, do they go a spiteful slo-mo snail’s pace from base to base?

David Ortiz shattered Tator Trot Track’s record-slowest home run trot by roughly 1.5 seconds last night on a moon-ball shot off Alexi Ogando of the Texas Rangers. Rather than a dis, Ortiz’s slow-pace stemmed more from telekinetic stare to ensure the ball remained on the right side, which is the left side, of Pesky’s pole. “I wanted to make sure it was fair,” Ortiz said after the game. “I wanted to keep watching it.”

Tator Trot Track regularly charts Ortiz’s home-run laps as the slowest in baseball. “David Ortiz has always been near the top of the Tater Trot Tracker leaderboard with his classic Papi trots,” the site’s Larry Granillo points out. “In 2010, he was the first player to break the 30-second barrier. Since then, he has dominated the ‘Slowest Trot’ lists every year. Last year, for example, Ortiz had 7 of the 10 slowest trots of the year.”

Ortiz’s three-run bomb put the Red Sox up 4-2 and ultimately proved the margin of victory. His record-setting slow pace around the diamond breaks Bobby Abreu’s previous mark, attained on his last major league longball.