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Mascot All-Star Team

Mascot All-Star Team

The All-Stars of Major League Baseball play Tuesday night in Minneapolis. Earlier in the day, the All-Stars of the mascot world gathered on the grass at Target Field.

Several of the mascot All-Stars showed up naked to the team picture. Cleveland’s Slider forgetting his pants put an unnaturally elongated smile upon Bernie Brewer’s face. The blank, mouth-agape expressions of Billy the Marlin, Fredbird, and T.C. Bear strongly suggest that the trio indulged heavily in narcotics prior to meeting up with their colorful colleagues. The fifty-year-old Mr. Met appears too enthusiastic to be standing so close to Rosie Red, as though he has never seen a female of his baseball-head kind. The Oriole Bird looks dejected to be amidst such characters. A motley crew of mascots gathered in Minneapolis. 

Perhaps aware of the notorious company the profession forces a mascot to keep, the Racing Sausages, Pittsburgh’s anthropomorphic Pierogies, and George, Tom, Abe, Teddy, and Bill all ran far, far away from the mascot team photo. The Los Angeles Dodgers, the New York Yankees, and the Los Angeles Angels, protective of their reputations, forbid the furry, smiley, sweaty creatures from coming anywhere near paying customers at their parks.

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