Jayson Werth Gnome Night Came and Went Without Any Fatalities Inflicted by the Covetous Mob

Jayson Werth Gnome Night Came and Went Without Any Fatalities Inflicted by the Covetous Mob

What’s a gnome Werth?

On eBay, possessors of the one-day-old Jayson Werth garden gnome demand as much as $199.99. But the plastic doodad commands bids at just above the $50 mark. You can ask for anything. People don’t have to pay it.  

The Washington Nationals gave away 25,000 of the tiny likenesses of their rightfielder last night. Thousands of fans gathered outside of the gates of the park hours before the first pitch to get their hands on the toy. It wasn’t exactly like that Who concert in Cincinnati or Toys “R” Us during Cabbage Patch Christmas mania. But with mobs awaiting the opening of the gates, the hysteria ran embarrassingly amok. Get a grip, Washington. The guy is a .274 lifetime hitter.

Werth makes for a strange choice for a gnome. Sure, he sports a hillbilly beard and wears a hat. But detectives call those mutable characteristics. Gnomes generally don’t rise above three or four feet tall–at least the ones I’ve hunted. Jayson Werth, at six-foot-five, dwarfs gnomes.

A Dustin Pedroia gnome? A Jose Altuve gnome? Sure. Maybe Jayson Werth Beard Shampoo Night next time.

The gnomes refused to play the leprechaun. The Nats dropped the game–Werth got tagged out at the plate attempting to score–6-1 to the Mets.

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