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Two Turkeys Invade Ford Field to Protest ‘Deadly Feast’ of Thanksgiving

Two animal-rights activists crashed the Thanksgiving party at Ford Field demanding “Animal Rights Now.”

“We love our dogs and cats at home, but spare little thought for the turkey lying dead on the table,” on-field protester Cat Roberts, displaying the peaceful coexistance of humans and animals in her nom de nut, explained in a news release. “It’s time we extend our compassion to all animals.”

The compassion did not extend to Eagles or Lions. The competitors, embroiled in a 45-14 blowout borefest, needlessly endured additional, torturous moments extending the painful, perfunctory play because of the Direct Action Everywhere demonstrators.

The two amoeba-faced bipeds, appearing in need of protein and vitamin D, awkwardly ran onto the gridiron with two minutes left in the game holding a banner that displayed pictures of turkeys bracketing an “it’s not food, it’s violence” message. The protesters stormed the field during live play as Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford handed the ball off. Despite increased security at NFL stadiums in the wake of the Paris attacks, the excited pair reached within an arm’s distance of several players.

The pigskin, actually made from cowhide, escaped the ire of the activists. So, too, did the speciesist names of the opposing teams.

“Thanksgiving is a deadly feast,” Araceli Rodriguez, the second trespasser on the turf, insisted. “[Forty] million suffering and dead is no cause for celebration.”

Pass on the Turducken.

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