Donald Trump Is America’s Number One Victim Of Cyber Violence

According to Re/code, the SXSW festival is planning to host a day-long event on online harassment after the progressive media whined at them about it for a week. You might say they were… harassed into doing it. But the real question is, will Donald Trump be their keynote speaker? I don’t see how they could choose anyone else.

Donald Trump is the most oppressed person in the United States today. Regular readers may have followed my reports on the United Nations’ recent attempts to tackle “cyber violence,” or “harassing communication” on the internet. The U.N. has discovered that people sometimes don’t like each other and sometimes say so on Twitter. They’re eager to follow up on their successful Middle Eastern peace drive by ending this scourge of #cyberviolence. I applaud their efforts.

The U.N. argues that women are especially troubled by cyber-harassment-bullying-violence-abuse-ohmagerd, and sometimes even have to turn off Twitter, fetch their smelling salts and retire to their fainting couches after a particularly mean message from a stranger on the internet.

In a rigorous and scientific way (I had an intern do it) I’ve been going through The Donald’s Twitter mentions, and I’ve been horrified by the terrible #cyberslaughter committed against him on a daily basis. The man endures death threats, rape threats, and endless obscenities. It’s my contention that he is the most hated-on person on the internet.

As the great Anita Sarkeesian herself says, mean tweets are basically harassment and abuse. She recently told WIRED: “We need to broaden the definition of online harassment and abuse. For example, someone will post a YouTube video that defames me, and then thousands of people will reply to that video and tweet at me ‘You liar’ or ‘You dumb bitch.’ That’s not a threat, but it’s still thousands of people coming after me, right?”

“wtf is you doing for real you ugly as f,” said one notorious cyber-murderer to Trump.

“I’d say you’re a clown but I feel like clowns would be insulted to be compared to you,” said another heartless and sociopathic internet terrorist.

According to yet another Twitter assassin, “People [are] laughing at Trump and his perpetual “I’m constipated” expression.” This is a horrifying example of both gender-based violence and ageist discrimination: older men are of course the primary victims of constipation.

It just goes on and on.

As a long-suffering victim of #cyberviolence myself, I honestly don’t know how Trump gets up in the morning. Doesn’t he need a safe space? Why isn’t the U.N. coming to his aid? Someone do something!

Indeed, his only respite at the moment is the occasional kind word from a supporter, often accompanied by a photoshopped image of Hillary Clinton in jail with the words “BENGHAZI” in bold letters. But it’s only a small respite from the tide of #cybergenocide that Trump has to deal with virtually every minute.

I hereby appeal to the U.N., to Google Ideas, to the Online Abuse Prevention Initiative and to the Crash Override Network, and to everyone else who has whined incessantly about online harassment over the past four years. Put your money where your mouth is, and do something to help the greatest victim of online abuse in history, Donald Trump.

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